My Christmas presents!

Merry Christmas!!!!

I gots:
~ Glee: Season 1
~ Eclipse
~ Vampires Suck
~ Socks and underwear
~ Popcorn
~ an ALC sweatshirt
~ a laptop cooling pad
~ An iHOME!

Merry Christmas!

So guess what guys IT'S CHRISTMAS

My Gram hasn't come yet so we haven't opened presents from her but...

I got a KitchenAid. You know, like the mixer. It's shiny and beautiful and I reallyreally like itttt

Also a pastry bag/tips for frosting. YAY

My dad for some reason got me three purple bandannas... Yay?

I got a new hairbrush and lotions and chapstick and stuff in my stocking. :)

But yesterday was the real fun, that whole thing at Union Church and then the Saderholms! It's so nice to see Maurice again after all that time, I think I remember why I liked him once upon a time. It was just so nice to be with people on Christmas Eve, and run through the streets yelling SNOH with Lekey. I LOVE CHRISTMAS! YAYYYYY

Well I don't have much else to do today. Maybe I'll make something with my MIXER!

I think I'm falling for somebody....

You know who it is!

I think I'm falling for him.

We were over at Sibyl's, watching Easy A, and we sat next to each other on a love seat, and he was cold, so he clung to me a little. I felt something that I don't recall ever feeling. It wasn't in my pants. I guess you could say it was in my heart. ;)

For Someone.

If there's a place that I could be
Then I'd be another memory
Can I be the only hope for you?
Because you're the only hope for me
And if we can't find where we belong
We'll have to make it on our own
Face all the pain and take it on
Because the only hope for me is you

I want to forget everything.

I want to forget Freshman year.

I want to forget all the shitty people I associate with.

I want to forget all the people I've hurt.

I want to forget all the people that have hurt me.

I just want to forget.

I'm tired of being everyone's punching bag.

I hate all the people that sit there and talk shit about me.

I hate the people that make fun of me, whether it's my hair, what I wear, what I think, I hate them.

I'm tired of being a failure, and letting everyone down.

I'm basically useless to everyone around me.

And I hate this feeling.

And I'm sure as hell tired of feeling alone.

I swear, if I had the courage, I would end it.

End all this rage, depression, uselessness.

I'm just tired of everything, and everyone.

And I want it to end.

Opening Night... or not.

Well. I guess that's it. Today's show was canceled, and there's nothing anyone can do anymore. It would've been over by now anyway.

So I managed to get the lead in a play, and we're only doing 2 and a half shows. Why did the Oz people get to do like seven? I know, it must have been stressful or whatever, but they got to do their thing lots of times for lots of people. And I know there will be other shows in the future. But not this one, with these people, and this costume, and these songs. Not this show.

I pray there is school tomorrow, because I want to do the school performance more than anything. I want to show the school the real me. I want them to see the Taylor who will sew herself a red dress and get up on stage and drink gin and sing at the top of her lungs. Nobody knows that me. They know the me who wears pretty little dresses and sits silent in classes drawing and mumbles when you ask her a question. That's not the real me.

This me comes from a childhood of making up my own stories to act out, a childhood of New Year's parties where we played Harry Potter while we waited for midnight, and we made up characters like Snape's daughter who gave out candy just because there was candy and we were tired of pretending to be men. I spent half my life pretending to be other people; why shouldn't I be able to translate that into acting?

Forgive me for this little diatribe. I've been feeling so icky and spacey and hopeless today, all I could do was to curl up with a book all day. Did I mention I hate winter?

And I think I deserve a selfish post. Others of us certainly seem to believe it's okay.

I know what it's like....

I've been there for about 17 years now, and I can tell you that 17 years may seem like a long time, but it's still young.
It's different for everybody. You just have to let it come when it comes. Worry about what's going on now and it'll be here before you know it, like Christmas, except it'll last a lot longer.

I've been patient too. I've waited forever. I still have to wait. It's okay. It WILL happen. Maybe not tomorrow or before 2010 is over, but it will happen.

Remember we live in Berea. There's a lot of the world we haven't seen yet.

Oh what, really?

So, it has now been put in my sights that I'm (almost.) about to be the ONLY ONE out of the phunk that hasn't had a boyfriend....

Welp. Do I need to post the picture again?

I don't think so.

But tomorrow, for those that will see me. (That is, if we don't have another snow day.)

JUST TAKE A LOOK AT ALL OF THE FUCKS I WILL BE GIVING.

None.

Do you guys think I'm being selfish?

Stubborn?

A bitch?

Impatient, even?

Deal with it.

I've been patient.

And I'm tired of it.

When am I going to have my turn?

Fuck it.

So....

This might be a sign.

Laura has a boyfriend.

I think I'm about to get one (we just need to hang out more and make it official).

Soon we all would have had one.

We just need to be patient and just live life. I heard it's better to wait for them to come, rather than to find them. Well it worked for me, so it must work for other people.

What, I'm the only one out of my girl friends that hasn't had a boyfriend?

Welp.

It looks like I have another case of "I wanna be happy for you, but I can't because of my own selfish reasons."

This has been a post. :|

EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD SHOULD SEE THIS.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2dNT7M

This should be shown in international meetings, all the world leaders would be too happy to disagree. :D

And so I begin

Well my first day is tomorrow, I'm not sure what to expect but I feel it shouldn't be too bad.
I'm going to miss you guys like crazy, and I hope I can make some friends who can come at least a little close to your guys level of awesome.
I suppose the worst part is there nerd to hick ratio, which is apparently unsettling, and also they really like to pants people over there...
They have a coffee shop in the library though, and I could certainly get used to that. Snuggling up to a book and a cup of coffee in a lounge chair by a window. Sounds nice right? I suppose so, but what's wrong with a crap selection of books and hard wooden chairs? Most people would say there's plenty wrong with that, I guess.
Well anyway, have fun at school tomorrow, I know I'll try my best to do the same, and you guys better take good care of Ms. Flara. :D

Love you all so very very much
~Heather of the phunk.

Happy Thanksgiving!

To all of my Phunk sisters, I wish you a happy Thanksgiving and hopefully we all won't eat too much!
:D

Hot picture!

Black Friday!

Okay, so Laura and I are planning a Harry Potter outing and sleepover at her house!
We're going to go see the movie Friday night.
Then go to her house.....and sleep?.....I guess you could say that.
But yeah.

Heather - :( I'll miss you too! But you'll have a WAY BETTER history class, and for that, I envy you. Have fun at Garrard and I hope to see you at an academic team meet and well......in town and stuff! :D

I don't know how often you guys check up on the blog, but I decided that this was the best place to start, anyway.

I am switching schools, Tuesday is my last day at Berea, and I even have a schedule for the other school (which includes a kick butt class about the Holocaust 1st period.) I am going to Garrard county because that's what's easiest for my parents, and it doesn't suck like southern.

I am really going to miss seeing you guys all the time, but this is what is truly best for me and my education, if I want to get into Western I need WAY better grades then I have.

I love each and everyone of you for so many different reasons, and this doesn't change anything like that, I'm still a best friend, and I will still always be here for each of you if you need me, or maybe even if you don't.

I don't really have much else to say, but I guess nothing else needs to be said.

Love you guys,
Heather of the Phunk. <3

Glee.

As you know, Glee this week was unexpecting.
Before that moment had happened, I knew Karofsky wouldn't hurt Kurt again, but I did not see the kiss happening. I bet I knew what would've happened had I not read a tweet a friend that kinda spoiled it.....we're still working on that.
But yeah. I think it's going to be Kurt and Blaine. They just click. Kurt even has his picture in his locker.
So yeah....if Glee ever comes to KY on tour....WE ARE GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I see our freedom in my sight.

After this year, I'll have one year left.

Then I'll be out of here, and you better believe I won't be looking back.

I hate this home. I don't even think I can call it home, home is where you're supposed to feel, happy, secure, loved.

I feel these things more at school.

And hell, today at Flara's I felt like I had a real family. People I can sit there and talk to, about anything.

I told her all of the problems I'm having with my home life.

I don't tell anyone about those problems. (Except for Heather.)

But I sat there and I spilled everything out.

I want my family to be like that.

Today, I've never felt so accepted.

I could sit there, talk about things I liked, the things I disliked.

These people here.

They aren't my family.

This year, Ms. Flara has been more of a mother to me than my actual mother ever has.

I talked to her, about everything, she didn't judge, didn't make comments, she just listened.

That's all I want.

I want my family to be like what I had today.

People who won't judge me.

People who won't call me a failure.

And most definitely have faith in me, and who will listen.

-Hannah

xo

That's your funeral

GGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW? I MEAN LIKE WHAT. THE. HELL.

So as Taylor already said she and I are two of the four female mains for Oliver! I am like sooooooooooo excited like I don't even know what to say. So in one of my scenes I sing a song with Ian and Aaron. LOL.

Anyway, here's my song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-KdgarQJXE&feature=related :D yup.

I'd do anything for you!

alskdgalskhgaksjh

Still freakin' out a little bit about this whole Nancy thing.

I'd do anything, for you dear

Anything!

For you mean everything

To me!

I'd go anywhere for your smile

Anywhere!

For your smile everywhere

I'd see!

Ahahahhahaaa!

I've never been anything important before! I'm a villager, or an Ozian, or a pick-a-little lady! It's my first important role and it's the lead!

I'm really sorry for being so excited. I know it's probably irritating.

And you know what's funny, this is the first musical that I didn't even care if I got a part!

I knew I'd have fun with it even if I was a villager again.

And nowwwww

As long as he needs me, and yes he does need me...

Now Caleb's going to kill me! :D

Congrats to Heather too, for being Mrs. Sowerberry!

And Hannah, for being Old Sally! At least you're not a villager! Every part is essential!

AND THIS PLAY IS SET IN THE 1830's!!! THAT MEANS FUN COSTUMES!!!!

I'm excited. Love, Taylor.

So...

As it turns out, I did get a part in the musical.

I'm a dying old woman named Sally.

Haha, I lay in a bed, tell some people about a locket, and die.

Oh, fun.

Oh, congrats to Taylor and Heather for getting parts that actually have some purpose! :DD

*applause*

Hahaaaa, anyway, this week should be awesome.

Tomorrow, I'm going to Kaylyn's to work on our AP project.

Wed&Thurs: FUCKING NOTHING.

Friday: Due Date with Meghan and Company.

Saturday: Pinnacle with whoever wants to come (that won't be at SAYF)

Sunday: Lunch with Ms. Flara.

Yeah, this weeks gonna rock.

-Hannah

xo

Halloween happenings...

Friday night: Haunted Barn and Trail with Lekey, Sibyl, Ashley, Isaac Alexander, and Brandon Hartman. It was fun! We stood in line for about 30 mins. Michael Myers came and stalked everybody in line. Pretty sweet. We went in and there was this old creepy guy who's wife is in a coffin. We had to memorize the date she died (10/27/06). The numbers appeared later in the barn. Stuff started happening like noises and people scaring Lekey and Ashley in the corner they were sitting in. He started telling us those numbers started bad things and we had to leave.
So we are rushed out of the room (while his wife rose from the coffin, which I knew would happen). We went up some stairs.
We go through the barn, get scared by people. There was a guy who was yelling at us to get out, blah blah blah, and I'm in the back of our group, and nobody is moving, so I'm like, "Go on, guys." He starts shouting, "What's the problem, little boy? You gonna piss your pants?" I didn't say anything, I just thought, "No. It's just that nobody is moving!"
The next room was a Saw-themed room where we had to find a key to get out. It didn't take long because we saw the string it was attached to, and we got out.
Then we go down some stairs. It was funny. The clown was helping some on us down the stairs, and she tells me, "You're gonna die." LOL! I thought, "By falling down these stairs, maybe."
Then we saw a little girl with a Ouija board, then a girl swinging who was snatched by Freddy Kruger.
Then there was a pitch black maze. Then we were in this tight room with a chain-linked window looking outside. There were two guys in there with us. One asked if we would go to his house for dinner. Ashley was like, "Are we having Isaac?" LOL!
I knew something was gonna happen. Then I heard the chainsaw start and Leatherface was on the other side of the fence window. We didn't move, but the doorway was open and I was motioning them to go through.....but no. LOL! We went through eventually and got outside.
Then there was the trail part, which was small. I just start running through it and it was one chainsaw guy after the other (there were three).
We lived, but Ashley and Isaac didn't come out. Apparently a little boy was trying to scare Ashley in the trail and she talked to him because he wasn't scary. They came a couple of minutes later.
We were safe. I was walking with Lekey and then she sees Michael Myers coming towards us again. LOL! She was really creeped out. It was really fun. Next year, we all have to go to one.

Saturday: Didn't do much until trick-or-treat (which seemed like only 30 minutes long). We all dressed up, then watched Paranormal Activity after that, then the party, then I went back to Sibyl's and watched Freddy vs. Jason.

Sunday: Meeting, Lekey's talk about India, yummy snacks, Hong Kong Buffet for lunch, and nothing else.

Now I need to complete my Youth Salute essay and read for Lambert.

El dia de los muertos es manana.

Life has been...

Pretty awesome, despite a few minor problems.

This weekend was great!

Party, adventures, and another step towards my main goal at the moment. c;

Next week/weekend shall be fabulous.

*Tues: Going to Kaylyn's to do our AP project.

*Friday: Due Date with Meghan, Delaney (I think) and Donna.

*Saturday: Hiking with Kaylyn, Heather, (maybe Rane and Rhiannon.), AND if I get to talk to him this week at some point, Skyler. ;D

*Sunday: Who knows! I kind of want to hang out with my cousin.

And the following is just a song that I've been listening to a lot lately.

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd
Little deaths in musical beds
So it seems I'm someone I've never met

You will only hear these elegant crimes
Fall on your ears from criminal dimes
They spill unfound from a pretty mouth

And everybody gets there, everybody gets there
And everybody gets their way
I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her
Now I'm the only one to blame

Things have changed for me, and that's okay
I feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say
Things have changed for me, and that's okay

I want to go where everyone goes
I want to know what everyone knows
I want to go where everyone feels the same

I never said I'd leave the city
I never said I'd leave this town
A falling out we won't tiptoe about

When everybody gets there, everybody gets there
And everybody gets their way
I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her
Now I'm the only one to blame

Things have changed for me, and that's okay
I feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say
Things have changed for me, and that's okay
I feel the same, and I say

Things have changed for me, and that's okay
(Well, things have changed for me
Come on every body, let's dance and sing)
I feel the same, and I say
(I'm singing it all night long
So come on everybody and join the party)
Things have changed for me, and that's okay
(Well, things have changed for me
Come on everyone, let's dance and sing)
I feel the same, and I say
(I'm singing it all night long
So come on everybody and sing along)

Things have changed for me, and that's okay
I'm on my way, and I say

Things have changed for me

--Panic! At the Disco.

That Green Gentlemen (Things have changed)

well not much going on here, I mean I have a busy week, but nothing major as far as feelings and whatnot go.

So I'm having a birthday party on November 12/ 13th I'll put all the details to that on Facebook and not spam it up on here.

Friday is the cast party so a sleepover wouldn't work for Taylor and I, anyway I love you guys, and Hannah keep your chin up, I love you sweetie, and it'll all work out in the end. <3

My Friend of Misery.

Words can not describe how fucking pissed off I am right now.

No, not because of the god damned delay.

No, not because of what happened fucking yesterday.

This has been going on for the past week or two.

And I'm getting fed up with it.

I'm not going to tell you, because then I'll go into this huge rant.

If you want to know, you can ask Heather, she knows and won't rant to you for ever.

-Hannah

First thing to know about College...

You've probably seen this before...

1. Friends
2. Good Grades
3. Sleep
You're in College. Pick two.

It's true. Not even kidding. I catch up on my sleep and my grades start slipping. I study more and I don't have time to hang out with my friends... So I always end up with no sleep...

I am soooo tired. All the time. But I'm also having a lot of fun... So it's worth it. :)

So I haven't posted in awhile, mainly because I don't know what to say really...

Taylor said once, that it's like I have a whole new life now. And she's right. I don't even know where to begin on telling you what's been happening with me... There's just SO MUCH!

I guess that all you really need to know is that I'm happy here. Yeah, I miss you guys. A lot. But I like it here. I don't know what I'd do if I had to go back to High School... It'd drive me insane after being here, with more challenging work and awesome classes. Did I mention that my final for my Engineering class is to build and program a robot? I'd go insane having sit through my old HS classes... Even though I would get to see you guys more...

I donno. That's just something I've been thinking on lately. I've got such awesome friends here and a wall full of paper to remind me of my awesome friends back home. :)

Anyways, I hope you guys are doing alright. Call/Skype me at any point. Webcams are such wonderful inventions...

Though if you have a sleepover, I'm not going to be home until Thanksgiving... Though I might come back on the second weekend of November... I don't know at this point. Feel free to have sleepovers before that, but I would definitely like to have one while I'm home as well. :)

Love you all! <3
~Laura~

P.S. If any of you have the chance to come up here, COME SEE ME! I want to show you guys what it's like up here...

P.P.S. Taylor, I've been trying to send you a letter for like, ever! I CAN'T FIND STAMPS ANYWHERE GAH! /mad scream
Anyways... I might just have to give you one in person... Or have my parents bring it to you or something... We shall see. Thank you for the letter, btw... Made my day. :D

So....yeah

Life is life.
Ummm, cheerleading is going alright.
I get a free weekend......so if we're going to have a sleepover, let's have it on like Friday night.
Possible?
I hope so.

Excuse my boredom

Siddown, you're rockin' the boat

All right. Time to get this blog/show back on the road. Mmhmm.

I think that it is high time we had a sleepover. Because there is one thing that I have wanted to tell you all since about May and I've never had the opportunity. Maybe it's obvious anyway, but if I don't get it out in person before the end of this year I'll just have to post it on the blog.

Anywhoo.

I had so much fun backstage at the play. Oz taught me to always be involved. I'm used to having small parts, but I didn't realize how fun a small part on stage could be when you have a big part backstage. But this time I'm not even glad it's over! I wanted it to go on for... well, for a long time. I'm sure those who had their whole head sprayed white would disagree with me.

I'm also having lots of fun with this Howl jacket. I love how it's coming together so far!!! :D

Did I mention that Halloween is like my favorite holiday?

I still think you should all read The Bell Jar. Because it's a good book. I want to read it again.

And that is all for my little musing of the evening. Cheers!

DUDE.

So like. No one is posting besides Hannah, so maybe we should like do that or something. :D

anyway love you guys. <3

After school

We had auditions for our musical. But this isn't why I'm posting.
There's some confusion among people to why I was super upset, it wasn't about the whole Sebby calling me fat thing, that mainly just annoyed me, the joke was getting old, y'know? What really made me upset was something Aaron said. Oh, you don't know what he said? Well he said this:

"If there were more people like you there would be a shortage of razorblades on earth."

That just made me so upset.
Yes, I know he was kidding, if he meant it that would've made things worse.
But the reason this thing made me so upset is one: No one wants to be told that. And two: I've gotten to much shit for stuff like that. Sometimes people were joking, other times they weren't. And the ones who did mean what they said, one, didn't even say it to my fucking face. And two: I don't even fucking KNOW them! I mean God DAMN.

Yeah, so that's what bummed me out. But he apparently really felt bad about saying that, which is new. He's never felt bad about all the shit he's done before. *sigh*

Well, tomorrow will hopefully be a better day.

-Hannah
xo

(POST, DAMN IT.)

This song

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.

Kind woman, I give you my all, Kind woman, nothing more.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
My love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
together we shall go until we die. My, my, my.
An inspiration is what you are to me, inspiration, look... see.

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness....I'm glad.
If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.

"Thank You" by: Led Zeppelin

So yeah...

So a lot of you seemed a little confused with my changed relationship status and it's pretty understandable, none of you all have seen me and him hang out or even talk, except Hannah, and she didn't until last night, but anyway, He is my official boyfriend now, and I'm really happy, he's really sweet and we have A LOT in common, he's really funny and he genuinely cares about me. if you want to know any more about it that's cool, like I said I understand.  love you guys always. <3

Promised only lies.

Fuck tonight.
Fuck it.
Fuck it in the ass.
Hard.

I'm never making plans again.
If you guys ever want to hang out with me, you make the plans.
Because when I make them, people end up bailing. And I'm FUCKING tired of it.
And maybe when you make plans. I'll bail out last second. And leave you to cry.
Just like you guys do to me.
I'm just sick of it.

Trash pick up in the morning.
Then something else.
Probably go home.
And do nothing.
As fucking usual.

-Hannah

Fuck it.

Taylor!

Eugene Oberst competed in the 1924 Summer Olympics in Paris.

At the trials, he had a disappointing meet, placing 5th, but they put him on the team anyway because he did so well in past meets.
At the Olympics, he became the first American to win a medal in the Javelin throw.

Get Happy/Happy Days Are Here Again!

Speaking of Streisand (who's known for her cover of Somewhere), here's another pick-me-up that she has sung solo and as a duet with Judy Garland.
Barbra is singing Happy Days Are Here Again.
Judy is singing Get Happy.

Judy
Forget your troubles

Barbra
Happy days

Judy
Come on get happy

Barbra
Are here again

Judy
You better chase all your cares away

Barbra
The skies above are clear again

Judy
Shout Hallelujah

Barbra
So let's sing a song

Judy
Come on get happy

Barbra
Of cheer again

Judy
Get ready for the Judgment Day

Barbra
Happy days are here again

Judy
The sun is shining

Barbra
All together

Judy
Come on get happy

Barbra
Shout it now

Judy
The Lord is waiting to take your hand

Barbra
There's no one who can doubt it now

Judy
Shout Hallelujah

Barbra
So let's tell the world

Judy
And just get happy

Barbra
About it now

Judy
We're going to the Promised Land

Barbra
Happy days are here again

Judy
We're heading cross a river
Soon your cares will all be gone

Barbra
There'll be no more from now on

Both
From now on!

Judy
Forget your troubles

Barbra
Happy days

Judy
And just get happy

Barbra
Are here again

Judy
You better chase all your blues away

Barbra
The skies above are clear again

Judy
Shout Hallelujah

Barbra
So let's sing a song

Judy
And just get happy

Barbra
Of cheer again
Happy times

Judy
Happy times

Barbra
Happy nights

Judy
Happy nights

Both
Happy days are here again..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf53oFb4IKA

There is one thing that I would sing to any of you as you were dying. It's from West Side Story.

There's a place for us

Somewhere a place for us

Peace and quiet and open air

Wait for us somewhere

There's a time for us

Someday a time for us

Time together with time to spare

Time to look, time to care

Someday, somewhere

We'll find a new way of living

We'll find a way of forgiving

Somewhere

There's a place for us

A time and place for us

Hold my hand and we're halfway there

Hold my hand and I'll take you there

Somehow, someday

Somewhere

Today

God, I have no idea what happened to me today.
I was having a pretty decent day. Then it went downhill from fourth period. I felt awful, I was depressed, I was tired, and I have no idea why! Damn. I'm sorry if I brought any of you down. I tried not to, which is why I kind of just withdrew myself in sixth. I was completely miserable. I just wish I knew why.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Then Friday should be great, even though I'm not going to the dance. I'm going to the BC&T with Re-Ro, then to the game, and then her, Heather and I are going to my house for a sleepover. Fun times.

And tomorrow after school I'm going to Lexington with Candace for dinner. c:
I want tomorrow to be a good day. Let's hope it is.

Every rose has its thorn.
Just like every night has its dawn.
Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song.
Every rose has its thorn.

-Hannah

Ps: Post, damn it.

If I died tomorrow, what one thing would you want me to know?

I wish I had the courage to ask people (other than you guys) this question. :
I really just want to know what people would say.

What. A song from Get Him To The Greek had an affect on my life??

You bet it did.

Like water through a drain,
I'm spinning down, down, down
Like the needle in my vein,
You're bringing me down, down, down
Like a dog who's gone insane,
You're putting me down, down, down

And those of you who doubted me,
Are going down, down, down
And the record man who never called,
Can you hear what's going on?

I'm coming up
I'm coming up
I'm coming up
I'm coming up
And the world ain't gonna catch me going down

Like the food deep in my belly,
I'm going down, down, down
And for twenty bucks in the alley,
I'm going down, down, down
Like the trail beneath your valley
I'm going down, down, down

For my ma, who's always honored me,
I'm going down, down, down
For my pa, who never wanted me,
Can you feel what's going on?

I'm coming up
I'm coming up
I'm coming up
I'm coming up
And the world ain't gonna catch me going down

Oh, won't you please believe me,
Oh baby don't you leave me
Why wont you say you need me
Please use them breasts to feed me,
I ain't going down

For my ma, who's always honored me,
I'm going down, down, down
For my pa, who never wanted me,
Can you feel what's going on?

I'm coming up
I'm coming up
I'm coming up
I'm coming up
And the world ain't gonna catch me going down

Of course.

Dude, check this out;

http://www.oneplusyou.com/bb/blog_rating?b_url=phunksisters.blogspot.com

Our blog is rated R.

Are you surprised?

:D

I'm feeling a little nostalgic tonight....

First off, Taylor, I'll go to homecoming if I can get one thing.
A date.
I'm the only one who hasn't had a date to a dance. (Other than Braden.)
If I can get a date, I'll go.
If not. I'm staying home.

Anyway.
Nostalgia all over the place tonight.
I've been bored, so I started youtubing Adam Lambert's Idol performances.
And hell, some shit from his album.
But then I came across old "Kradam" interviews.
And I cried.
Why did I cry?
Well, because I cry at everything.
But, I cried because I miss their friendship so much. They don't even talk to eachother anymore. It makes me sad. I even read some old fics. I cried even more. Damn. That's really sad, isn't it?
And I've been listening to the music I listened in Middle School.
(Simple Plan, My Chemical Romance, Nickleback, Jonas Brothers.)
It's been a good night for the most part. Other than the really fucking boring part.
But, yeah. My goal for the week. Get a date for Homecoming. If I don't get a date (which I probably won't.) I'm not going.

Mhmm. Yeah. Not changing my mind on this. No date. No dance.

-Hannah
xo

And out my song must pour

Guess what.

I really really really want to put on Guys & Dolls this year. skjfalskgh

WHEN YOU MEET A GENT

PAYING ALL KINDS OF RENT

FOR A FLAT THAT COULD FLATTEN THE TAJ MAHAL

Yeah anyway.

Set building on Thursday was pretty fun. I "upholstered" my first couch. :D

Then I spent all night talking to Terra. I don't do that enough.

I'm really glad that this coming week is Spirit week, otherwise I would be really dreading school. But since I get to wear a costume 3 days out of 5, and the dance is on Friday, I'm excited!

Braden, I'm sorry for moping around at your party. I should've gone home, I hope it didn't bother you. I know I hate it when people mope around at my parties.

Hannah! Go to the dance! If you just forget about everything and dance, dance to everything and anything, it's dark and nobody cares how ridiculous they may or may not look, and you can just let go... I didn't figure that out until the back to school dance. Besides, getting ready is half the fun. Therefore.... you should come. :)

Heather, you don't know how glad I am that you're being reasonable about Madelyn and Sebastian. Thank you.

The Homecoming Dance.

I don't think I'm going to go.
Yeah, I know. It sucks.
But, really, what reason do I have to go for?
A good time? Hang out with friends?
Yeah, okay.
Hang out with friends, sure.
But a good time? Haha, no. I never have a good time at dances. There's always something that gets me upset, whether it's no one wants to dance with me, or "Oh, God. THIS song?!" And that either means, they're playing horrible music, OR they're playing a song that makes me upset.
So yeah, I'm not going.
I hope you guys have a good time on Friday.
I love you all.

-Hannah
xo

This song will always be relevant.

Spread Your Wings

Artist: Queen

Album: News of the World

Sammy was low
Just watching the show
Over and over again
Knew it was time
He'd made up his mind
To leave his dead life behind
His boss said to him
'Boy you'd better begin
To get those crazy notions right out of your head
Sammy who do you think that you are?
You should've been sweeping up the Emerald bar'

Spread your wings and fly away
Fly away far away
Spread your little wings and fly away
Fly away far away
Pull yourself together
'Cos you know you should do better
That's because you're a free man

He spends his evenings alone in his hotel room
Keeping his thoughts to himself he'd be leaving soon
Wishing he was miles and miles away
Nothing in this world nothing would make him stay

Since he was small
Had no luck at all
Nothing came easy to him
Now it was time
He'd made up his mind
'This could be my last chance'

His boss said to him 'now listen boy
You're always dreaming
You've got no real ambition you won't get very far
Sammy boy don't you know who you are?
Why can't you be happy at the Emerald bar?'

So honey
Spread your wings and fly away
Fly away far away
Spread your little wings and fly away
Fly away far away
Pull yourself together
'Cos you know you should do better
That's because you're a free man
Come on honey
Fly with me.

You guys will never understand what this song means to me.

I love it so much.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was my favorite song of all time.

I've never really felt any kind of freedom.

But when I listen to this song.

I feel lighter than air.

Like, maybe, there's something I actually have to live for out there.

I just need to find it.

And when I do find it...

Hell, I can easily say that will be the greatest day of my life.

-Hannah

xo

Happy Birthday!

TO ME!
First of the Phunk to turn 17!
WHOO!

*cough cough*

Yeah......ummmm......I'm still single and I'm almost 17......and it's not exactly easy for me to find a guy either....while living in Berea.....unless I'm crazy and go for a college student or somebody who doesn't live in town (and I wouldn't see them a whole lot).
The closest I've been was talking to a guy who lives in Lexington (Adam) and we planned to meet at the mall, but we never got the chance to really meet. I did see him once before we actually started talking. This was around when David was in school, and I told Adam I still liked David, so we never talked since then.
But I've talked to guys before. They either don't live in town, or are in college, and I wouldn't want a college guy until I'm in college anyway, so yeah.
I've never really had that in-person kind of talking, so your chances were greater than mine.
Just saying.
I'm giving you a hug when I see you next because I love you. :D

When is it gonna be MY turn?

It's official. Every girl friend I have has had a boyfriend. (Yes, even Kaylyn. She just says it shouldn't count.)
And I'm very happy that all my friends are happy, believe me.
But I think I deserve someone. I've waited long enough. 16 years. You guys had Bf's at like 14. I'm sixteen and a god damned junior in high school. And I'm tired of being alone. Fuck. Why don't any of the guys I like, like me back!? IT'S NOT FAIR. NOT FAIR. NOT FAIR. NOT FAIR.
I'm tired of being alone. I want someone to hold. I want someone to love. I want someone who I know is going to be there when I need someone to text at 2 in the morning. I want Someone.
And almost anyone who's willing to be with me at this point I would take them. But it's apparently not that simple. Though it seems to be that way for a lot of people. Why can't I be one of those girls that every guy wants? Instead I'm the girl that tends to repel guys. They just see her as a dork that isn't worth the time. Or a fucking toy for their own god damn amusment.

And then the one guy. The one guy, who saw past my dorkiness, and my immaturity and saw a girl worth something, someone beautiful, even though I couldn't see the girl he was talking about. And we were almost something, but then we just pissed eachother off, and he moved on. Moved on without me. So here I stand.

I just want someone.
Anyone.
Someone that will sweep me off my feet.
Someone that will hold me.
And tell me I'm beautiful.
Even though I don't believe I am.
That's all anyone wants.
And you all have had it.
I haven't.
And it all I wish for.
Pray for, even.

You guys are probabaly rolling your eyes and thinking "Oh she's in one of these moods again."
But, oh well.
I've cried for the past hour because of this shit.
You know how pathetic that is?
It's awful.
I'm done now.
Goodnight.
Maybe I won't wake up in the morning.
Maybe I'll stay asleep forever.
Eternal sleep.
That sounds great right about now.

-Hannah.

Birthday party!

Now it's my turn to have a party.
The only date I could have it this week is on Friday, most likely 1 to 5, at Memorial Park.
I'll be turning 17, so we'll have a playground at my party because it'll be my last year as a legal child.
WHEE! A child who can legally watch R rated movies at the theater!
Pfffff!
I started watching those since I was like........ten or whenever.
Anywho!
Please come!
Details on Facebook!

Fall Breakkkkk!

Fall Break is gonna kick ass this year.

Haha, jk.

It's gonna be boring as fuck. Until Wednesday that is. I get to hang out with Laura. And possibly Meghan. :)

ALSO.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO WATCH GET HIM TO THE GREEK. IT'S AMAZING. AND HILARIOUS AND IT HAS LARS ULRICH. FOR A TOTAL OF MAYBE SEVEN MINUTES.

Mhmm. Yeah. Fall Break 2010. Boring as fuck.

Just this.

Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Can't stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye.

Epiphany, Round Two

So, one time in English, Heather and I were vaguely talking about epiphanies, and I mentioned that I'd had one that I wished would be cancelled out by another.

Well, it has.

The first one, as you might realize, was (back in November) that I was in love with Tim again. That obviously didn't turn out so well for me, and I've been waiting to stop feeling that way about him. And waiting. You all know that we were "friends with benefits" starting in March.

I can partly thank Dylan for this because he was the one who came and sat beside me in Drama and asked what was going on with us and I told him and he said that's fine if you're both okay with it. And he's so smart, or maybe he's no smarter than anyone except he's not afraid to say what he knows. In any case I realized that no, I'm not okay with it and yes, I really want more and no, it's not going to happen.

And then we met up in private on Tuesday and it wasn't any good and I went to bed not needing him. Not wanting him. Not like that. And I have been happy for the rest of this week.

I think I am finally over him. I don't know if it will stay this way. I thought I was over him last June. But for now he is my friend. Possibly still with benefits, but the benefits will not be to satiate my vivid memory of being loved.

I will talk about Matt Ruffner some other time. I don't think some of you even know he exists.

This.

There's a reason I posted this. And if you want to know ask me.

I've tried typing it, but everytime I tried, my computer ended up fucking up and going back a page, or everything got deleted. So, I got tired of typing the same thing over and over again.

Just listen to the song, it's amazing. And it just gave me my first epiphany.

Thank you, Metallica, for pretty much saving my life.

-Hannah

xo

I hate, hate, HATE.

When I want more than anything to be happy for someone, but then I just end up sorry for myself. I have no idea why I do that, I would love to be happy for a friend who is happy, but then I realize that they have something I don't have.

Yes, I know I'm very selfish, and among my many flaws, this is the one I hate the most.

And it's not for my own selfish reasons that I'm kind of upset.

...

So anyway, as some of us know, Delaney and Zack are dating, officially.

And as happy as I want to be for them. I just can't be. One, my selfishness prevents me from that.

And... Delaney is one of Reona's best friend's, and Reona, REALLY likes Zack. And I feel so awful for her, because as you all know. I've been in this position. And just feel as if I stick beside Reona, because, yeah I want her to know that there's someone here that does know what this is like.

Anyway. Yeah, you guys probably know about my own selfish reasons, so I won't waste your time by ranting about it.

I'm out. Talk to you guys later.

-Hannah

xo

Excited

Dude so I'm kinda getting pumped for Hannah's party :) I don't have anything extremely exciting to say but I haven't posted in like FOREVER so here it is, a post. How about some music?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXdNnw99-Ic

A cute picture next maybe?

No? How about a sexy one?

Or two?

Yeah I though you'd like that.

How long has it been since I posted something MyChem related?

Almost a year? OKAY THEN. THEN AN MCR POST IS OVER DUE.

So, the new alum comes out Nov. 22nd.

It's title?

DANGER DAYS: THE TRUE LIVES OF THE FABULOUS KILL JOYS.

I'm stoked.

So while getting back into the swing of things.

(Listening to previous albums, looking at picture, reading interviews, ect.)

I FOUND THIS.

NICE SWEATER VEST, GERARD.

Jesus, I totally forgot about my love for this man. Mhmm. So, I'll be all CHEM'D OUT for the next two months.

I've never been so excited for something in my life, you have no idea. :]

-Hannah

xo

Another fanfiction related post.

What.
Just what.

So Metallica fanfiction is the best.
I love the idea of Lars adoring Lady Gaga.
And I love smut where James/Lars are doin the dirty and "Bad Romance" comes on the radio and Lars is all :DDD and James is all "GOD DAMN IT."

Because I just die of laughter.
I'm sorry that my last two posts have been Smut-related.
Maybe the next time I post I'll have something important to say.
Or maybe not. YOU'LL NEVER KNOWWW.
and I didn't download "Bad Romance" because of this whole thing. Fuck.

Sigh sigh sigh....

What I like about cheering: it's different from what I've done in high school and it teaches you hard work and dedication (mostly for me), and football games are okay.

What I don't like about cheering: competition team takes up SO MUCH TIME in my week (I've been staying up to 11:30 and/or 12 finishing homework, I feel cut off from you guys, I hardly even see Taylor), it's gotten me hurt twice (a third time, and I'm done competing), I have to miss SAYF for it, and there are days where I have to rush to get there.....I HIGHLY DISLIKE IT!

I mean, I'm completely fine with varsity, it's just competition team that's the worry. I'm sticking with it because things may get better for me.....and there's a chance I could become a National Champion......and after Nationals....the season is over.


But there are some things that are more important to me because I have done them a lot longer than cheering (i.e academic team, band, and SAYF). So if I do get injured, I have a clear idea of what I'd do to prevent another injury from happening.....and that decision involves going to SAYF and actually feeling like I have a life!

So anyway, I'll stick with it. I'm not just gonna quit. Something has to happen first.

Sickness

I hate being sick. okay so, I get to miss school. But when you're sick to your stomach, it's like you can't remember ever feeling okay. I mean, at least when it's a respiratory thing you can still eat. Ick.

Anyway. I've been drifting through school like I usually do. Walking through the halls for me is a strange experience. They can't touch me, they are separate from me. It's not like being in a bubble though. I can't describe it. It is as if they are water and I am a marble slipping smoothly through them.

I am tired of being his part-time lover. It is wonderful when it happens but the rest of the time I feel cast aside and unwanted. He hugs everyone except me. He loves everyone except me. Does that seem fair? But there is someone else. Perhaps he needs to learn a lesson in jealousy, if he's even capable of it anymore.

Laura, I miss you. I am going to mail you a letter as soon as I am finished with this post.

Braden, do what your heart wants, unless it hurts the rest of you. If cheerleading is not what you want, do what you love.

Heather, it's been far too long since we've had a heartfelt sleepover. Let's fix that?

Lekey, I need to see you more often. You are a salve for the wounds of the institution.

Hannah, you were my epiphany. I'll let you read it someday.

I hope desperately to feel better soon. I ate 6 saltines and they have not expressed interest in coming back up. I am hopeful.

P.S. Here is the Adam Lambert song I like. Apparently it's a cover of an unreleased Muse song. I recommend looking up the Muse version, it's equally awesome.

It's nice to know that...

All I'll ever be to the guys at our school is just a toy for their own amusement.

So.

My playlist is weird when I read smut.
I'm reading this really steamy James/Lars fic right now and "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol starts playing, and... I start bawling. What? I mean seriously. Smut + Snow Patrol = Tears? Interesting, I guess you can relate EVERYTHING to sex.

SAYF woes....

After one year and a half, I have only missed one retreat since I have been going to SAYF. I am going to have to go to half of the retreats this year. I'm NOT cool with that.

I'm not liking cheering because of it. I haven't been liking it as much as I thought because of how the sport is, anyway. I've decided if I were to get injured, I'd not compete. I don't want to get injured again, for one, and I want to go to SAYF.....and competition team gets in the way of that. Competition team is pretty much the reason why I'm slightly regretting my decision of joining. I was so excited to be going to Chattanooga in November, and I'm not going to be able to go because it's the weekend before our first competition. Ugh.

I'm not going to see any of the other SAYFers until January....and then after that....April.
I'm pretty okay with missing October for Homecoming. We only have four of those left, so yeah.

Worship sharing Saturday night was lovely. I shared all of this with everybody...and in my epistle. The only thing that got me close to being upset this weekend was the fact I'm going to have to wait this long.

It's gonna be tough going to half of a year after going a full year.

We'll just see what happens.

HAPPINESS OUT THE WAZOO.

Dylan (as in the one I don't hate.) Said he would come to my birthday party.

HOLY SHIT.

I've never been more excited about a birthday party in my life. You have no idea how happy I am right now.

Oh my God. DFHkldjfha.

Haha, Anyway little freak out over.

-Hannah

xo

Hmmmm.....

I am like sooooooooooo bored and I feel really deprived of human interaction so, if anyone would like to hang out with me... I wouldn't mind... :) no but seriously I really really really want to hang out with someone.

College Life

So let me be the one to go after that delightful last post... I'm not totally clear on what was going on there, but it seems to have been some sort of misunderstanding... No real idea though... Cause people still love you Hannah dear!

Anyways, as of yet, college is pretty nice. I can eat where I want, leave when I want (so long as it's not curfew) but I seriously have more freedom here than at home. Not to mention that the classes are more challenging.

I'm certainly enjoying it. :)

I don't really have much to say as of yet though I do miss you guys...

But, I do have classes at 8am tomorrow so I can't keep this post up for much longer... I'll talk to you guys later! Tell you more when I see you this weekend!

Luv ya!
Laura

P.S. Welcome Home Lekey!!! <3 Hang in there, darling!

I just have one thing to say to you guys.

FUCK YOU.

That's it.

A little toy for you all.

They have a new thing on Polyvore, so I thought I'd try it out on the blog.

It's at the very bottom, so it won't get in the way of posts or anything.

Just drag stuff on there, I've included an assortment of clothing plus a mannequin if you want to dress it.

I believe it will publish to my Polyvore account, I'll post the link in that case.

If you think of anything you want on there specifically, just comment.

:)

I watched 10 things I hate about you today...

AND I CRIED FOR AN HOUR AT LEAST.
BECAUSE OF THIS DAMN SCENE...



THEY FUCKING KNOW ME. SO WELL. AND THIS WAS MADE LIKE, 10 YEARS AGO.
THEY CAN SEE THE FUTURE. I JUST KNOW IT

Iambic Pentameter always calms me down.

You never know how my heart breaks for you

Your feelings and my feelings are the same

I hate to watch these things we must go through

I hate the tears, the anger, and the blame

Remember you can always come to me

I'll never think your problems aren't real

I want to dry your tears and help you see

Your happiness is nobody's to steal

We can't be silent every day and then

Just leave ourselves bodiless on a screen

We need to talk, it doesn't matter when

At school or somewhere else, let's just come clean.

If all I have is words, I'm not much good

Talk to me, dears, I know you wish you could.

I have no title

So for one Hannah I'm really sorry that everything's gotten all messed up for you and also anything you post isn't shit it was heart felt and we'll always be here for you.

my whole world has come crashing in on me and I don't know what to do, I will probably never be able to stop loving Sebastian but i have no problem with not being together, honestly it's quite liberating, but then he sent me a message on Face book, and ruined everything. He basically told me in the first message (which was lost(unfortunately) that he wanted me to stop trying to talk to him and make petty conversation, so I sent the following: Well be that way then and have fun alone. I love you with everything I posses but I will not tolerate you treating me like this, you used to be willing to give the world for me and now you act as though you hate the very sight of me, I'm sorry for whatever it is I did, so please treat me like I should be, you're still my best friend and it's killing me not being able to talk to you about all that's been going on in my life. I love you so very much.


He responded with the following: I'm sorry, yes, that was quite rude of me. I'm just upset. I might not answer all of your questions, but I will try too answer most of them.

One: Yes, I'm happy and sad. Happy because you aren't mad at me, sad because we're through.

Two: Stop trying to make me jealous it's just pissing me off.

Three: Are you jealous yet?

Four: Uhm, well, I would rather never speak to you again but we have to go to school together.

Five: I still trust you'll never betray me but you may not be so luck as for me to never betray you.

There you go, that's all you need to know about how I feel

My response: Okay so yes I am, I've lost many guys to them liking someone else and really I'd rather it didn't happen again. Why would I have been mad at you? I love you, but anyway here's the gist of what I feel you've said to me.

You don't miss me, or love me, you want to toy with my heart whilst toying with my friends, you no longer trust me and I no longer count as a friend, thank you for giving me my daily cry, I haven't had one in weeks I guess it was time for one.

Him: Heh, while I find that mildly humorous, you're right, I have been very mean. I don't want to risk us getting back together. One, if you make me jealous I'm more likely to try and pull your friends from you, okay? Two, don't let that stop you from dating other people and stuff. Don't worry, you'll find someone willing to stoop to your level of pathetic. Sorry for being so mean, I was, honestly, just upset and jealous. Apparently when I'm jealous, I attempt to ruin the life of the thing I'm jealous for, not the person I'm jealous of. Friends?

Me: I suppose we can be friends but to be honest I don't entirely believe you, I'm not trying to make you jealous on the contrary really but it is going to be hard to think highly of myself for a while.

Him: I do trust you, okay? And I love you as a friend, well sort of, if that means I can use you to my advantage then, yes I love you tons, if not then I don't particularly care, except that I still think of you as mine and I don't exactly enjoy other guys taking you for themselves, although that's all that it would ever be, they'll all just use you like a tissue, use your body and throw you away never turning back to see the carnage they left behind because they never truly loved you, you'll never be more the a sex toy or a friend to any guy again.

Me: You really honestly feel that way?

Him: Yes. I'm not going to have this conversation any longer.

I don't know how to feel, other then numbness, I suppose he's right though he's the only guy who's ever thought of me as more then a friend or something to play with. Example: Keg made out with me and never really looked at me again, and Zack dated me because he was a friend that felt bad for me.

I hate to sound so melodramatic but I've pretty much learned today that I wasted two years of my life trying to make something work with a boyfriend who never loved me, while also dealing with the new found information that the boy I like kissed another girl the very same day he told me I was beautiful and kissed me on the cheek.

I'm sorry if I'm not being sympathetic to other peoples feelings but right now I'm a little more then devastated. I have so much more to say about other topics but right now I can't even think straight.

...

I hate seeing him with her.
I hate seeing him so happy when I'm slowly falling apart.
And today I saw him kiss her.
And I swear that I died for a few seconds.
I literally felt my heart stop and I couldn't breathe.

Why do things always end up this way?
I can never get my way.
Every start to the school I'm happy.
Then something happens and it ends up really crappy.
It just never happens this early in the year.

Hopefully I'll be happy someday.
That sometime just isn't soon.
Because everyday I have to go throught the hell of seeing them together everyday.
I hate loving him so much.
Because he'll never feel the same.
And as the days go by. I'll still feel this way.
A girl that has fallen completely in love.
In love with a boy who just won't ever feel the same.

I'm just going to go on.
Like nothing is wrong.
Everytime I see him he'll send me a goofy look.
And I'll send him one right back.
And he'll hug me.
And my heart will break even more.
I'll text him and we'll talk about our days.
Everything will be normal.
He'll be happy.
....
But I won't be.
That's just how it goes.

I'm just really bummed right now guys.
I'm sorry for posting this shit.
I'm also that some of it rhymed.

-Hannah
xo

How to feel like a bitch

So now I feel awful, maybe I should have payed more attention to other peoples feeling towards him before it  got any farther then friends, but I didn't and now I have no idea what to do. There isn't much I can do I guess except tell him that we're just friends, and try and forget about the whole thing. I'm really sorry, i guess I just wasn't thinking because he wasn't gay so i didn't add Braden into the equation, and then Hannah and Kaylyn didn't find him attractive and Taylor I didn't think of you for so many reasons, most of them entirely my fault.

I didn't think of you because I didn't want to which was a really bitchy thing of me to do, and I didn't think of you because you never said you liked him, and thought you would've for some reason. Lastly I didn't think of you because of the way you are with Tim, which I have no idea what's going on with you two but on the outside it looks like you guys are together in one sense or another. I hate saying things like that to people but it's the truth, I really don't want you to be upset but it's how a lot of people feel, and I want you to be happy, and the best way to do that is to try and break him off, of course that's all up to you, but I feel like we're close enough to be completely honest with each other, I love you to death and I'm willing to do anything I need to do to make you happy.

I am scattering like light

I am not ready for this again, not this soon in the year, not ever. I don't like it I don't like it.

I don't like him. But I could. I could if I let go a little longer. If I blamed this sweet euphoria on him. But now I won't. I won't.

It's been too long since I had a guy friend other than Braden, not that you are not the best male friend I could wish for, not that I need another one, but if that's how it's going to be, that's how it's going to be.

So that's how it is, yes? Well, I'm not going to let our friendship be screwed up again by a guy. I learned that lesson from Maurice. It turned out okay but I'm not taking a second chance. We don't have a good history with guys that more than one of us likes. I'll be his friend, nothing more, not even that if I have to, I'm not suspending you for him. Even if he was in the slightest bit interested in anything else. Who would be?

I'm just desperate, I know. I have been since late January. And I hate it yes I do but there's not much else I can do. So we'll be friends. I'm more outgoing, less silent and introverted around him. Every friend brings out something good in you, yes? And we'll be Foods buddies, at least until he switches out. Oh, mini mixers in backpacks. Oh, applesauce lady. Oh, an ounce of prevention.

Do what you will, I'll be behind you. I just didn't want to start another fiasco.

God! I don't want this!

How I'm Feeling as of right now

So lately I've been happy, really, really, really happy, and I have only one problem..... I feel like I can't share my happiness or my reasons for being happy with anyone. I feel like either no one cares or it just depresses them, so I feel like my happiness is a bad thing. I don't like feeling that way.


Today was amazing for me but I had no one to share it with because no one seems to want to listen to my happy stories. Today Dylan and I had some really nice one on one time after school when he walked me all the way home and talked to me about soooo many things, like he really opened up to me and I felt so special, he called me pretty, and then he called me gorgeous, he held my hand for a little while and I met his dad (who's awesome btw) He and I really got to know each other on a deeper level and when we got to my house he hugged me and gave me a peck on the cheek. It was a good day.

Also Ms. Flara and I hung out after school while I waited for Dylan to finish doing stuff with Mr. Smith, she and I laughed our butts off about kidnapping southerns director and keeping her in the closet and making her watch really bad movies that were play adaptations, then she and I went to the front office and filled out a PO form so we could get money for our new production as you all know "Arsenic and Old Lace", we were gonna go to Save-a-lot together, but Dylan showed up and asked if I wanted to take a walk with him and then Ms. Flara made hilarious romantic noises and nudged me until I said yes. I love her to death.

Anyway that was my day and I wish I could have like called one of you to tell you but honestly I didn't feel like any of you would have cared all that much, if you actually read this whole post I applaud you for it, and thank you for taking the time to listen to my happiness if only for a moment, I guess I'll leave you guys alone now.

First week of junior year...

Was okay, aside from my horrible Alg. 2 teacher.

And we have a new kid, who's pretty cool. (Too many damn Dylan's in our school.)

But god, we're JUNIORS. We're almost done! Goodness, I'm not sure how I feel about this.
But we'll see each other in the future (hopefully)

I have a good feeling about this year...
I have a new friend and things seem to be okay between Dylan and I.

I even got a hug today. God, I'm so happy.
Reona's little lecture made me laugh.
I love her to death.

Anyway I'm gonna quit ranting about hugs and side-squeezing to you all.
GOD I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS YEAR.

-Hannah.
xo

Holy crap you guys WE'RE JUNIORS

It is rather difficult to get the idea that I am a junior through my head. Yet I am. By the way, did you notice there was no back to school pep rally today? I REALLY WANTED TO SHOUT E!!!!!

Yeah. So, I think we have a new friend. At least, he considers us his friends. I don't care whether you think he's attractive or not, he's super cool and fun to talk to. Mhmm.

Anyway. I really think this year is going to be good. Honest, I do. I'm excited for Foods, even if I don't really know anyone in that class who's going to stay in there. I WISH you guys could be in that class. It sounds AMAZING. And Mrs. Bingham seems really cool.

I love Mrs. McCay's new room, and Mrs. Robinson is well... Mrs. Robinson, and I think I'll end up one of the people who likes Mrs. Lambert, and I'm SUPER GLAD I have Art this year, and so far the only thing that's given me any trouble is my locker but THAT'S ALL BETTER so I'm happy!

I super super hope this year is as good as it seems like it'll be. The only thing that could get me down is a certain boy who constantly does so. I don't know about that yet. And the amount of sleep I'm currently getting and expect to continue getting. But I'll try, oh I will. I think I'm improving my people skills, for example, last year I probably would never have turned to a random new kid and said, "Hi, are you new? I'm Taylor."

I have high hopes for all of you. I love you.

Laura, I miss you. Come visit!

Today was better....now for tomorrow!

Routine camp ended today. It was way better. I got that stunt figured out, but it'll still take some work. My favorite part, and really the only part I like, is the dance. I might have to show it to you guys in slowmo. :D

We'll be juniors tomorrow. I'm excited.
Please 2010-2011 school year, bring me a new student....preferably gay, blonde, a junior, and really hot! ;)

So yeah. I'm wearing my new Chucks tomorrow and my Converse shirt.

I have 5 cheer-less days (not the way it sounds) and The Feather after school.

Academic team starts soon too.

And.....MADELYN'S COMING!!!!!

So it shall be a great day and a...hopefully...better year!

*sigh*

That Stephen Colbert vid was actually pretty funny.

Today was the first day of routine camp and it wasn't that fun.
First off, our choreographer got after me because I refused to do a back handspring in the routine. There's also a one legged stunt where (as a backspot), I have my right hand on the flyers right ankle and my left hand on her butt (Yes, I know). But this was reversed, so it felt weird and it was confusing me a little bit and he got after me because after my right hand pushed upward to drive the flyer up, my right hand wasn't where my left hand was fast enough. I've never stunted like that before. I seriously think he was expecting too much.

It just really ticked me off. I hope tomorrow is better....if not....I'm reconsidering.

Summer Timez

And so the summer drifts to a close. Almost. :)

It's been awhile since I last posted, mainly because I don't really have much to say... Through the blog at least. I don't know...

I feel like I've done so much thinking and have gotten no words, at least nothing concrete, out of it. Know that feeling?

I'm kind of in the eye of the storm, I think. You know, that surreal time when everything's calm and you know more is coming, but you don't know when? Reality has hit and tossed me around a bit, and now I'm just waiting for the rest of the storm to pass by before things reach a point of normalcy again...

But enough with the poetic symbolism. My summer's actually been pretty good. Had an awesome time at VAMPY, a pretty great Vacation with Braden and the fam, a great time with my cousins when they came out, etc.

All in all, pretty great. I'm excited about moving out and everything. Even though I'll miss all of you. Incredibly much. But that's what my party's for right?

And I'll be in around school every couple of days to visit and bug you all. :)

All is good. :)

I just never knew that I was such a nostalgic person... lol

Anyways, I hope to see you all soon. (especially Ms. Traveling Afar :P You must come spend a weekend with me asap and tell me of your trip.)

That's all for now!
~Laura~

It's a kind of sweet sadness

Oh, you guys. The summer's almost over. I hate when summer's over. Last week I was kind of looking forward to school, and seeing you guys every day, well, except Laura and Lekey :'(

But now I'm realizing how much I'll miss doing nothing all day, and sleeping forever, and staying up late drawing and reading, oh I'll miss all of it. The cicadas want me to stay free with them forever but I can't do it.

I want to lay under the stars and recognize the Dolphin and the Swan and Draco and the Eagle like we did in Quebec. I want to jump in Woodward Reservoir and explore little stores like I did in Vermont. I want to dance by the Pacific Ocean and watch rocks float like I did in Oregon. I want to hear people sleep-talk like I did in North Carolina. And I want to stay up late being crazy with my friends like I did in Kentucky.

But I think this year will be a good year. I have a feeling about it. January 1 is not when my new year starts, no, it's August 11. And I want to be different. I don't want to retreat into my hair when things go wrong, I want to fix them. I don't want to move through school in my own entranced mind, I want to be present. And I don't want to let any of you get away from me like you did last year.

I am wildly tired right now, so I'll conclude.

Be with me, be in the moment, be human, be kind.

I love you.

Thank you, Stephen Colbert.

WARNING: everyone may hate me for posting this...
But if you all can post you opinions about the government... THEN SO CAN I.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/06/colbert-unveils-master-pl_n_673097.html

Stephen Colbert pretty much somes up how I feel.

Yep!

I'm happy.

1. We're eating dinner out with a family from NC whom we haven't seen in 8 months.

2. Going to Heather's!

3. Prop 8 was overturned and ruled as a violation to the Constitution.

If you don't know what Prop 8 is: It's the gay marriage ban in California.
I just hate how people think it's okay to vote on how other people can live their lives. I understand if you believe that marriage should just be between a man and a woman. I'm okay with that, but there doesn't need to be a law saying that, though. It really is only the choice of the person who decided to propose, and the choice of the person who accepted the proposal, like any other marriage.
I'm actually okay with people saying they believe it's wrong to be gay or marriage should be between a man and a woman. Those are personal beliefs. I can't change those myself.
But I still feel like that's not the only reason why people voted for it.
I still feel there was a lot of intolerance, prejudice, and hatred behind those votes. Not all of the votes, but a lot of them.

The rest of this week.

Shall be awesome.

Tomorrow:

I'm going to Richmond with my mom and Heather. I'M GOING SCHOOL SHOPPING, BITCHES.

Thursday: nothing.

FRIDAY: NIGHT FULL OF AWESOME AND FUN TIMES. WITH LAURA, MEGHAN AND I.

Weekend: We should do something.

@Taylor: GOD, those fics haven't been updated in MONTHS. Which pisses me off. I loved those fics with a passion.

Anyway. Until next time.

TOODLES.

-Hannah

xo

ALSO.

I am quite fond of this new layout. =]

A banner type thingy

I hope you guys like it! :)

BEST DAY EVER

MASTERS RESIGNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which I believe all of you know already but I really thought it should be posted on here just for the sake of being posted. anyway.

I had an exuberant yes but it messed up the drafty thing. so. here is a less exuberant one

                yes.

Video compliments of Hannah.

SPONGEBOB Best Day Ever Song

*DANCE DANCE DANCEY DANCE!*

Okay I'm done.