my whole world has come crashing in on me and I don't know what to do, I will probably never be able to stop loving Sebastian but i have no problem with not being together, honestly it's quite liberating, but then he sent me a message on Face book, and ruined everything. He basically told me in the first message (which was lost(unfortunately) that he wanted me to stop trying to talk to him and make petty conversation, so I sent the following: Well be that way then and have fun alone. I love you with everything I posses but I will not tolerate you treating me like this, you used to be willing to give the world for me and now you act as though you hate the very sight of me, I'm sorry for whatever it is I did, so please treat me like I should be, you're still my best friend and it's killing me not being able to talk to you about all that's been going on in my life. I love you so very much.
He responded with the following: I'm sorry, yes, that was quite rude of me. I'm just upset. I might not answer all of your questions, but I will try too answer most of them.
One: Yes, I'm happy and sad. Happy because you aren't mad at me, sad because we're through.
Two: Stop trying to make me jealous it's just pissing me off.
Three: Are you jealous yet?
Four: Uhm, well, I would rather never speak to you again but we have to go to school together.
Five: I still trust you'll never betray me but you may not be so luck as for me to never betray you.
There you go, that's all you need to know about how I feel
My response: Okay so yes I am, I've lost many guys to them liking someone else and really I'd rather it didn't happen again. Why would I have been mad at you? I love you, but anyway here's the gist of what I feel you've said to me.
You don't miss me, or love me, you want to toy with my heart whilst toying with my friends, you no longer trust me and I no longer count as a friend, thank you for giving me my daily cry, I haven't had one in weeks I guess it was time for one.
Him: Heh, while I find that mildly humorous, you're right, I have been very mean. I don't want to risk us getting back together. One, if you make me jealous I'm more likely to try and pull your friends from you, okay? Two, don't let that stop you from dating other people and stuff. Don't worry, you'll find someone willing to stoop to your level of pathetic. Sorry for being so mean, I was, honestly, just upset and jealous. Apparently when I'm jealous, I attempt to ruin the life of the thing I'm jealous for, not the person I'm jealous of. Friends?
Me: I suppose we can be friends but to be honest I don't entirely believe you, I'm not trying to make you jealous on the contrary really but it is going to be hard to think highly of myself for a while.
Him: I do trust you, okay? And I love you as a friend, well sort of, if that means I can use you to my advantage then, yes I love you tons, if not then I don't particularly care, except that I still think of you as mine and I don't exactly enjoy other guys taking you for themselves, although that's all that it would ever be, they'll all just use you like a tissue, use your body and throw you away never turning back to see the carnage they left behind because they never truly loved you, you'll never be more the a sex toy or a friend to any guy again.
Me: You really honestly feel that way?
Him: Yes. I'm not going to have this conversation any longer.
I don't know how to feel, other then numbness, I suppose he's right though he's the only guy who's ever thought of me as more then a friend or something to play with. Example: Keg made out with me and never really looked at me again, and Zack dated me because he was a friend that felt bad for me.
I hate to sound so melodramatic but I've pretty much learned today that I wasted two years of my life trying to make something work with a boyfriend who never loved me, while also dealing with the new found information that the boy I like kissed another girl the very same day he told me I was beautiful and kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sorry if I'm not being sympathetic to other peoples feelings but right now I'm a little more then devastated. I have so much more to say about other topics but right now I can't even think straight.
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