I am scattering like light

I am not ready for this again, not this soon in the year, not ever. I don't like it I don't like it.

I don't like him. But I could. I could if I let go a little longer. If I blamed this sweet euphoria on him. But now I won't. I won't.

It's been too long since I had a guy friend other than Braden, not that you are not the best male friend I could wish for, not that I need another one, but if that's how it's going to be, that's how it's going to be.

So that's how it is, yes? Well, I'm not going to let our friendship be screwed up again by a guy. I learned that lesson from Maurice. It turned out okay but I'm not taking a second chance. We don't have a good history with guys that more than one of us likes. I'll be his friend, nothing more, not even that if I have to, I'm not suspending you for him. Even if he was in the slightest bit interested in anything else. Who would be?

I'm just desperate, I know. I have been since late January. And I hate it yes I do but there's not much else I can do. So we'll be friends. I'm more outgoing, less silent and introverted around him. Every friend brings out something good in you, yes? And we'll be Foods buddies, at least until he switches out. Oh, mini mixers in backpacks. Oh, applesauce lady. Oh, an ounce of prevention.

Do what you will, I'll be behind you. I just didn't want to start another fiasco.

God! I don't want this!