???

Dear Hannah,

What is even going on? We're not friends on Facebook anymore and you haven't replied to my message asking the same thing. I don't want to assume anything so I'll leave it at that and wait for an answer.

I don't want to lose you again.

-Taylor

I have no title

So for one Hannah I'm really sorry that everything's gotten all messed up for you and also anything you post isn't shit it was heart felt and we'll always be here for you.

my whole world has come crashing in on me and I don't know what to do, I will probably never be able to stop loving Sebastian but i have no problem with not being together, honestly it's quite liberating, but then he sent me a message on Face book, and ruined everything. He basically told me in the first message (which was lost(unfortunately) that he wanted me to stop trying to talk to him and make petty conversation, so I sent the following: Well be that way then and have fun alone. I love you with everything I posses but I will not tolerate you treating me like this, you used to be willing to give the world for me and now you act as though you hate the very sight of me, I'm sorry for whatever it is I did, so please treat me like I should be, you're still my best friend and it's killing me not being able to talk to you about all that's been going on in my life. I love you so very much.


He responded with the following: I'm sorry, yes, that was quite rude of me. I'm just upset. I might not answer all of your questions, but I will try too answer most of them.

One: Yes, I'm happy and sad. Happy because you aren't mad at me, sad because we're through.

Two: Stop trying to make me jealous it's just pissing me off.

Three: Are you jealous yet?

Four: Uhm, well, I would rather never speak to you again but we have to go to school together.

Five: I still trust you'll never betray me but you may not be so luck as for me to never betray you.

There you go, that's all you need to know about how I feel

My response: Okay so yes I am, I've lost many guys to them liking someone else and really I'd rather it didn't happen again. Why would I have been mad at you? I love you, but anyway here's the gist of what I feel you've said to me.

You don't miss me, or love me, you want to toy with my heart whilst toying with my friends, you no longer trust me and I no longer count as a friend, thank you for giving me my daily cry, I haven't had one in weeks I guess it was time for one.

Him: Heh, while I find that mildly humorous, you're right, I have been very mean. I don't want to risk us getting back together. One, if you make me jealous I'm more likely to try and pull your friends from you, okay? Two, don't let that stop you from dating other people and stuff. Don't worry, you'll find someone willing to stoop to your level of pathetic. Sorry for being so mean, I was, honestly, just upset and jealous. Apparently when I'm jealous, I attempt to ruin the life of the thing I'm jealous for, not the person I'm jealous of. Friends?

Me: I suppose we can be friends but to be honest I don't entirely believe you, I'm not trying to make you jealous on the contrary really but it is going to be hard to think highly of myself for a while.

Him: I do trust you, okay? And I love you as a friend, well sort of, if that means I can use you to my advantage then, yes I love you tons, if not then I don't particularly care, except that I still think of you as mine and I don't exactly enjoy other guys taking you for themselves, although that's all that it would ever be, they'll all just use you like a tissue, use your body and throw you away never turning back to see the carnage they left behind because they never truly loved you, you'll never be more the a sex toy or a friend to any guy again.

Me: You really honestly feel that way?

Him: Yes. I'm not going to have this conversation any longer.

I don't know how to feel, other then numbness, I suppose he's right though he's the only guy who's ever thought of me as more then a friend or something to play with. Example: Keg made out with me and never really looked at me again, and Zack dated me because he was a friend that felt bad for me.

I hate to sound so melodramatic but I've pretty much learned today that I wasted two years of my life trying to make something work with a boyfriend who never loved me, while also dealing with the new found information that the boy I like kissed another girl the very same day he told me I was beautiful and kissed me on the cheek.

I'm sorry if I'm not being sympathetic to other peoples feelings but right now I'm a little more then devastated. I have so much more to say about other topics but right now I can't even think straight.

Почему, Почему?

I'm sorry.
It's just, how do you define "The Phunk" anymore?
If we're still friends anyway, why do we need an official title anyways?
What counts as "quitting the Phunk" if everything goes on as per usual?
And if quitting it doesn't matter, then does not quitting matter?
Does it matter that the rest of us still consider ourselves part of the Phunk if it doesn't matter that Hannah doesn't consider herself part of the Phunk?
That's why the "Is it gone? Has it died?" thing.
Because it was there. It's not that nothing was there, ever. There was a time when it would have mattered if this had happened. There was a time when none of us would ever had even considered this ever happening. Especially since Hannah started the Phunk.

But now it's gone. 

And that upsets me. 

Again, I'm sorry. 

Go where you want to go.

But it still hurts. Not so much that Hannah quit, although that hurts too.

It hurts more that it matters so little.

Maybe it would hurt more if it did matter.

But the fact that it doesn't matter makes me sad.

I know you all will never stop being my friends, no matter what happens. But I did value the Phunk, and I guess I still do. Less, perhaps.

Why? That's what I want to know. Why? 

Why do you leave us? But you're not leaving us. You just think you are.

You're not. "Us" is not just the Phunk. Hannah of the 7th Grade is not in the Phunk, but she's some part of "us." Kaylyn was part of "us" before she was in the Phunk. You can still be part of "us" and you will be. I know that much. You are too much a part of us for that to just go away. 

I don't think I'll cry. And I won't say goodbye. That's too final.

I'm sorry. 

I hope you don't think I overreacted too much.

Never mind, I did. 

Or not.

Whatever.

SHUT UP, TAYLOR. YOU ARE MAKING THINGS WORSE. YOU NEED TO TALK TO REAL PEOPLE SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO YOURSELF LIKE THIS, YOU CRAZY CRAZY WOMAN. JUST DON'T POST AGAIN UNTIL SUNDAY. MAIDENQUEST IS THEN AND MAYBE YOU WILL FEEL BETTER AFTERWARDS. SO POST THIS CRAZY CRAZY RANT POST AND BE DONE WITH IT. THEN MAYBE YOU WILL FEEL BETTER FOR THE MOMENT EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE CRAMPING LIKE HELL. GO EAT DINNER AND DECORATE GINGERBREAD HOUSES. DON'T THINK ABOUT THE PHUNK BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD. GO READ A BOOK OR SOMETHING. 

Почему, Почему (Pochemu, Pochemu)- Why, Why?

Bye.