Sickness

I hate being sick. okay so, I get to miss school. But when you're sick to your stomach, it's like you can't remember ever feeling okay. I mean, at least when it's a respiratory thing you can still eat. Ick.

Anyway. I've been drifting through school like I usually do. Walking through the halls for me is a strange experience. They can't touch me, they are separate from me. It's not like being in a bubble though. I can't describe it. It is as if they are water and I am a marble slipping smoothly through them.

I am tired of being his part-time lover. It is wonderful when it happens but the rest of the time I feel cast aside and unwanted. He hugs everyone except me. He loves everyone except me. Does that seem fair? But there is someone else. Perhaps he needs to learn a lesson in jealousy, if he's even capable of it anymore.

Laura, I miss you. I am going to mail you a letter as soon as I am finished with this post.

Braden, do what your heart wants, unless it hurts the rest of you. If cheerleading is not what you want, do what you love.

Heather, it's been far too long since we've had a heartfelt sleepover. Let's fix that?

Lekey, I need to see you more often. You are a salve for the wounds of the institution.

Hannah, you were my epiphany. I'll let you read it someday.

I hope desperately to feel better soon. I ate 6 saltines and they have not expressed interest in coming back up. I am hopeful.

P.S. Here is the Adam Lambert song I like. Apparently it's a cover of an unreleased Muse song. I recommend looking up the Muse version, it's equally awesome.

Holy crap you guys WE'RE JUNIORS

It is rather difficult to get the idea that I am a junior through my head. Yet I am. By the way, did you notice there was no back to school pep rally today? I REALLY WANTED TO SHOUT E!!!!!

Yeah. So, I think we have a new friend. At least, he considers us his friends. I don't care whether you think he's attractive or not, he's super cool and fun to talk to. Mhmm.

Anyway. I really think this year is going to be good. Honest, I do. I'm excited for Foods, even if I don't really know anyone in that class who's going to stay in there. I WISH you guys could be in that class. It sounds AMAZING. And Mrs. Bingham seems really cool.

I love Mrs. McCay's new room, and Mrs. Robinson is well... Mrs. Robinson, and I think I'll end up one of the people who likes Mrs. Lambert, and I'm SUPER GLAD I have Art this year, and so far the only thing that's given me any trouble is my locker but THAT'S ALL BETTER so I'm happy!

I super super hope this year is as good as it seems like it'll be. The only thing that could get me down is a certain boy who constantly does so. I don't know about that yet. And the amount of sleep I'm currently getting and expect to continue getting. But I'll try, oh I will. I think I'm improving my people skills, for example, last year I probably would never have turned to a random new kid and said, "Hi, are you new? I'm Taylor."

I have high hopes for all of you. I love you.

Laura, I miss you. Come visit!

Today was better....now for tomorrow!

Routine camp ended today. It was way better. I got that stunt figured out, but it'll still take some work. My favorite part, and really the only part I like, is the dance. I might have to show it to you guys in slowmo. :D

We'll be juniors tomorrow. I'm excited.
Please 2010-2011 school year, bring me a new student....preferably gay, blonde, a junior, and really hot! ;)

So yeah. I'm wearing my new Chucks tomorrow and my Converse shirt.

I have 5 cheer-less days (not the way it sounds) and The Feather after school.

Academic team starts soon too.

And.....MADELYN'S COMING!!!!!

So it shall be a great day and a...hopefully...better year!

It's a kind of sweet sadness

Oh, you guys. The summer's almost over. I hate when summer's over. Last week I was kind of looking forward to school, and seeing you guys every day, well, except Laura and Lekey :'(

But now I'm realizing how much I'll miss doing nothing all day, and sleeping forever, and staying up late drawing and reading, oh I'll miss all of it. The cicadas want me to stay free with them forever but I can't do it.

I want to lay under the stars and recognize the Dolphin and the Swan and Draco and the Eagle like we did in Quebec. I want to jump in Woodward Reservoir and explore little stores like I did in Vermont. I want to dance by the Pacific Ocean and watch rocks float like I did in Oregon. I want to hear people sleep-talk like I did in North Carolina. And I want to stay up late being crazy with my friends like I did in Kentucky.

But I think this year will be a good year. I have a feeling about it. January 1 is not when my new year starts, no, it's August 11. And I want to be different. I don't want to retreat into my hair when things go wrong, I want to fix them. I don't want to move through school in my own entranced mind, I want to be present. And I don't want to let any of you get away from me like you did last year.

I am wildly tired right now, so I'll conclude.

Be with me, be in the moment, be human, be kind.

I love you.

sing it loud so I can hear you

IT'S KIND OF HOT AROUND HERE

Blehhh. I am glad to be home again, but I am NOT glad to leave behind the coolness of the North.

Anyhow.

I just spent the whole day with Terra. We like talked, and made macaroni and fruit salad, and then we talked, and then we colored in coloring books. There was this Roman coloring book, and we colored the Roman lady like a scene kid, and the guy all emo. It was friggin awesome. Also we played in the creek. All these little fishies came up and bit our legs! :D

Aaaand that's all I've done since I've been home, other than exchange a few outpourings of emotion with a certain person via Facebook.

I'm not terribly excited for school to start, but I really feel that this year will be better than the last. For me at least. I've no more required electives, so I actually get to do what I want! (Like Art, and Foods, and Drama. Wheeeee!)

Yeah that's about it. I'm really looking forward to Thursday.

YEP

PS Yes Hannah, I've missed McLennon and IKYBH as well. I suppose I really should reread it. And "the one where he's anorexic." Whatever its real title is.

PPS Also I changed the layout. It's pretty basic but I thought it was nice and summery!

PPPS I've been reading the archives. Let me say, the most creative spelling of a swear word goes to Lekey, with "PHUQQ."

Do you remember the way I held your hand?

No school tomorrowwwww! I'm pretty much happy about that. You know what would make me happier? If I got to hang out with you guys tomorrow!!!!
This means LET'S DO IT. Somebody! Plans! AHHHHHH!!!!
Terra's probably sleeping over tonight. But tomorrow, let's do something. Ya know?

In other news: I am dyeing my pointe shoes black! :) And My mp3 player is a zombie! :(

That's all my other news, really. I guess the only thing I really have to look forward to is SAYF, and I'm not even that excited about that honestly. We need to plan a sleepover. I need something to look forward to these days. I also need something to read... any suggestions? (Besides Catching Fire. That's a given ASAP.) I'm currently rereading Uglies since the library won't be open until Tuesday. Laura, if, no WHEN, I see you, please be armed with some literature!

I also have some funny stories from today at meeting.

OKAY! Time for the ubiquitous END OF POST messages!

Braden: So that cake? It's gonna happen. And it will be EPIC.

Laura: Shhh! Listen to me talk!!! :D

Hannah: It seems like that to me too. Why is that?
P.S. Thunderbolt and lightning!

Lekey: I'm sorry for the nothing that happened on Friday. I was feeling antisocial. Don't take it personally. I love youuu


EDIT: You should all TOTALLY go back and read some of our posts from like a year ago. I think we might have gotten less funny? Because I was laughing out loud at our old posts. Try September 08. They're hilarious.

Come on people! POST!

Well. I've been waiting for someone else to post, but alas, it seems that it's me again.

School. Oh, the biggest love/hate relationship I've ever had. Hatehatehatelovelovehate mostly hate. Argh. But on the bright side, it gives me a reliable opportunity to see my friends. :)

Ballet is starting next week. I'm fairly excited, since I'm taking 3 classes rather than 2 this year, two of which include pointe. Yayyy!

But on the whole, I feel I am depressed. And most of us know why. But let's not go into that, it's already fucked me up enough as it is.

I s'pose I gots some messages for y'all.

Laura: You awesome girl. I don't have much to say to you that I haven't already, so let's leave it there.

LeKey: I heart youuu! I need to see you more often. That is a fact. Had fun at Nurturingggg?

Hannah: You know how it is.

Braden: You thkank! You so good at them gymnastics!

P.S. A sleepover is an excellent idea, but unfortunately theorizing about it don't help none. Conferenceeee?

I wanna feel weightless, and that should be enough

Well!

Yesterday was pretty, well... tight. And so was the night before!

Unfortunately, it's coming to an end. And a new year starts. I have one piece of advice:

Go listen to "Weightless" by All Time Low. It's on the playlist. When listening to it, you can't help but have this kind of "I don't care if shit happens, I'll just go on with life" kind of thing. It's been the quote for a while now, but you have to HEAR it to get the full effect.

Anyway. So yes. Heather is scary and glowsticks are amazing. That was my conclusion. Papalenos is also quite amazing. The end.

Hannah: HAHA I got the dinosaur blanket and you didn't! It's karma for turning Normal Tag into Stupid Tag. :D Glowsticks!

Laura: HEY YOU I like your hair-things. I like themz. Also, let's talk.

Lekey: You too man. Hey, where were you today? I waited for you at the library! But I'll miss you at school.

Braden: Thanks for the FunDip. It was pretty tasty. And made Autumn's snot blue. But yeah, good luck with the Hot Guy Situation!

DEAR EVERYONE:

Walking to the Black Feather after school is SO ON. BE THERE OR BE TRIANGULAR.

I lurv Glowstickz. <3

SSooo, yeah. Me and Tay spent the night at Heather's yesterday. It was fun. Heather scared me and Taylor shitless though... =/

It was also the least depressing sleepover I've been to in ages. We had GLOWSTICKS.
:3

Then today we went to Wally world and looked at random crap. And learned that Miley Cyrus' clothing line was disgustinly good looking. =P

Anyway, School starts back on Thursday, and I can easily say I'm not happy about it. AT ALL. >:(

On a happier subject. God has graced us with another "Kradam" moment. (as you all know).

--------

Braden: I'm stalking you through Twitter. =]

Taylor: My game of tag was NOT stupid. You're just jealous because you LOST.

Laura: Hmmmm, what've you been up to lately?

Lekey: Life sucks. I haven't seen you in ages and school starts back on Thursday. =/

Anyway. Just as a little review...
-I hate school.
-Adam Lambert's fans throw sex toy's on stage for him. (creeepyyyy; wait, I didn't even mention that up there...) =P
-My ship ships itself. <3
-And I love glowsticks. =]

That is all

XO
-Hannah

Indigo Girls, Forgive Me

I'm sorry I can't express facial expressions over the internet, but if I could, you'd see sadness, mixed with anger, betrayal, and... sympathy. Since we seem to be in a list-making mood, I guess I'll try my hand.

1. Me and Laura philosophized today in Science that NONE OF OUR LIVES CAN BE PERFECT UNLESS ALL OF OUR LIVES ARE PERFECT. Current example: Hannah is chronically sad. So even those of us who seem happy can't be happy because one of us is sad. Does that make sense?

2. Lekey knows this too: this is the time of our lives when we belong to ourself and our friends. We don't want to belong to our parents anymore, but (don't contradict me) we aren't quite ready to belong to a husband. Heather, shut up.

3. The less I seek my source, the closer I am to fine. This is from and Indigo Girls song. I just listened to two of their songs, and their power overwhelms me. I'll put some lyrics here:

From Closer to Fine
And the best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
It's only life after all
Yeah

Well, darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety 'till I sank it
I'm crawling on your shores
...
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine



Then there's this other song called "Galileo" which is about reencarnation, but I think some things apply to us too.

How long 'till my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach that kind of light?
I call on the resting soul of galileo
King of night vision, king of insight


4. Hannah, DON'T YOU DARE CHANGE SCHOOLS.
I don't want to offend you more than I apparently already have, but I somehow don't think the people at Southern would accept you any better than the people here. Stick with the people that do accept you, because you need them.

5. On the subject of Terra's bitch-ness and Tory needing a slap across the face: Don't take out your negativity on people who don't deserve it. They're doing what they want to. Just because that doesn't include you, doesn't mean they personally hate you. If you were going out with someone, and there was this girl who was your friend's friend, and kind of your friend, and you knew she liked the person you were going out with, you certainly wouldn't make her any special provisions.

6. Terra has problems like you do, but kind of opposite. Whereas your problem is that you really like someone but they don't like you, Terra's is that she kind of likes a bunch of people and they kind of like her, but not enought either way to make either party happy. So take that into consideration.

7. Self-injury is not a healthy form of expressing your anger either. JSYK.

8. I didn't do a thing to your post. I just said I would. There's a difference.

9. Tags need commas in between them. JSYK.

Forgive me. I love you. I need you. I try my hardest. I love you.