Epiphany, Round Two

So, one time in English, Heather and I were vaguely talking about epiphanies, and I mentioned that I'd had one that I wished would be cancelled out by another.

Well, it has.

The first one, as you might realize, was (back in November) that I was in love with Tim again. That obviously didn't turn out so well for me, and I've been waiting to stop feeling that way about him. And waiting. You all know that we were "friends with benefits" starting in March.

I can partly thank Dylan for this because he was the one who came and sat beside me in Drama and asked what was going on with us and I told him and he said that's fine if you're both okay with it. And he's so smart, or maybe he's no smarter than anyone except he's not afraid to say what he knows. In any case I realized that no, I'm not okay with it and yes, I really want more and no, it's not going to happen.

And then we met up in private on Tuesday and it wasn't any good and I went to bed not needing him. Not wanting him. Not like that. And I have been happy for the rest of this week.

I think I am finally over him. I don't know if it will stay this way. I thought I was over him last June. But for now he is my friend. Possibly still with benefits, but the benefits will not be to satiate my vivid memory of being loved.

I will talk about Matt Ruffner some other time. I don't think some of you even know he exists.