Together We'll Dance in the Dark.

If you thought none of us have ever felt that way, well, you can stop that now.

I cried for no reason last night, FYI. I don't know why. Times are a hell of a lot better for me than they have been in a long time. I have a loving boyfriend, wonderful friends, a pretty okay home situation, and no school (at the moment.) I'm happy, right?

Yes, most of the time.

Then what are those red lines doing on my legs again?

Talk to us, darling. If you talk, we'll listen. We love you. I think some of us are just afraid we'll be pushed away, and that's most people's instinct. I don't blame you for that.

I don't know how much help we can give you, but what I do know is that when I feel helpless, I'd much rather have my friends around than some professional. Therapy didn't do anything for me. I need people who actually understand what's happening even if I can't tell them. That's why we're friends, right? Because we understand each other.

I can't do anything until I see you again but that'll be soon and I sincerely hope things improve. I love you, and I can't stand to see people I love in pain.

And what you are is beautiful

NononononNO!

Why does everything have to go wrong on the same day and why the FUCK can't I do anything about it!

Don't make me cry. Don't do it.

You think we don't care, when we just have no idea what to do?

You think we're choosing SAYF over you? I can't speak for everyone else, but honestly I'm only going to SAYF because I feel like it's expected of me.

I don't know what to say. I can't believe you could even imagine we don't care.

Not caring is the most frightening thing that has happened to me recently.

I don't know why, but on Sunday I was completely apathetic to everything. That's why none of you saw me that day. Because I didn't care.

Luckily I woke up on Monday caring. Then I discovered not caring is so much easier. But it's a human thing, to care. That's probably why life is hard: because we care.

Please don't accuse me of not caring. I don't want to go back there.

Do you really think you've never broken anyone's heart?

Whatever I did, I'm sorry. There's only one thing worse than someone you love being sad, and that is feeling like it's your fault.

I don't want anyone else to feel as isolated as I do sometimes. I don't ever want people I love to doubt that I do.

God, I really don't know what to do about this and I hate that.

Just remember this: There isn't a single one of you that I could live without.

We belong to the light, we belong to the thunder.

Come on people! POST!

Well. I've been waiting for someone else to post, but alas, it seems that it's me again.

School. Oh, the biggest love/hate relationship I've ever had. Hatehatehatelovelovehate mostly hate. Argh. But on the bright side, it gives me a reliable opportunity to see my friends. :)

Ballet is starting next week. I'm fairly excited, since I'm taking 3 classes rather than 2 this year, two of which include pointe. Yayyy!

But on the whole, I feel I am depressed. And most of us know why. But let's not go into that, it's already fucked me up enough as it is.

I s'pose I gots some messages for y'all.

Laura: You awesome girl. I don't have much to say to you that I haven't already, so let's leave it there.

LeKey: I heart youuu! I need to see you more often. That is a fact. Had fun at Nurturingggg?

Hannah: You know how it is.

Braden: You thkank! You so good at them gymnastics!

P.S. A sleepover is an excellent idea, but unfortunately theorizing about it don't help none. Conferenceeee?

The Farewell Post

I have nothing to say.

Maybe it's better that way. I don't seem to have the ability to cheer people up these days.

Maybe...

Maybe I should quit posting for a while.

I know it seems ridiculous, but what's the use? Why should we have to post on a blog to talk to each other? 

So I'm going to try this, and if I seriously need to post something I can't talk about, I will. But really. If we can share with God and everyone, why can't we share with each other? The only real use this should be is for drafts. So we can share stuff we don't want to talk about at school, which seems to be the only place we see each other any more. 

So, I'm quitting the blog for a while. Good luck with your religious issues. I don't know if I'll still read the blog. Maybe not, so that you guys have to talk to me. But anyways, I hope you can make your moms see the light. (Haha, cuz we're Quakers, and the light... Ok so maybe only Lekey will get it...)

Bye.

I'm sorry. I say  that a lot, don't I. It's because nobody else really does, I guess. 

Maybe I get it from Tim. 

I love you all, but this is getting on my nerves.

I want you.

I miss you.

I need you.

I love you.

I'm still in Vermont!

Batadatadata!
Yes! A post! From your friend Taylor!
The guys at the airport STOLE my LOTION.
The one that smells like awesome. I HATE THEM.
This was a while ago. Like when we first came up.
So if anyone goes to Victoria's Secret (not for socks) get me some love spell lotion, k?

ANYWAYS.
We went to a store! And they had SPARKLIES! YAY!
And CHRISTMAS HAPPENED! YAY!
The day before we left I got an mp3 player, so that's cool.
Except, being an off-brand one, it doesn't play the songs you can buy from the iTunes store, because they're m4p format.
Which wouldn't matter EXCEPT that my half brother got me and my brother iTunes gift cards for X-mas. 30 DOLLARS!
So I guess I have to burn the songs to a CD and then rip them back or something.
On the bright side, both the t.A.T.u. songs Hannah gave me and all our Eddie Izzard stuff are mp3's! YAY!

Okay. Let's see. Braden, I would be happy to bring you some snow, except the freakin' airport security would probably take it away if it was more than 3 ounces. Grrrr....

Hannah, read the comment I posted on your post! (That was confusing) Or not, because it might depress you.... I'm going to post another one too... YAY! Um. I found out that if you type "M" on the iTunes store, the box underneath includes My Chemical Romance. JSYK. :DDDD

Lekey! I love you! Especially since me, you and Tim are apparently a threesome? Uhhhhhh... But yeah. Apparently you're in New York. Therefore, I miss you. Except you're the closest one to me! Hey! How about that?

Braden! Wait never mind. Except, you are a Quaker at heart, so there's no reason you shouldn't go to Quaker meeting! Gaaah! At the very least, sit in church and block out the sermon and listen to God for yourself. And, I don't know if Baptists do the thing where they're like, "Let us pray" and you have to bow your head? (The only experience I have is from my Gram's church) Well when they did that on Xmas eve, I looked up, not down. My personal belief is that God is not up/down but everywhere, and that God probably has no reason for us to humble ourselves before him/her/it. So the head-bowing thing, I believe, is unnecessary. In actual fact, the general Quaker belief (that God is in everyone) would then imply that you would look inside yourself to find God, which you can't do physically, but mentally. So, in conclusion, it shouldn't matter where you look, I just think looking up seems more... spiritual? Looking up has always seemed joyful/confident/spiritual to me. Besides, why should you look down, which seems kind of mournful, when the minister is talking about how happy we are that Jesus was born? Well, I just wrote a novel. Maybe we should talk in person? Yes.

Laura! My dear! I misssss you! Congratulations on organizing something! YAY! Um. So there's that certain black fuzzy thing we made. What are we going to do about that? Hmmm. So there's this book by Meg Cabot, called Airhead, which you would like. I have it right now from the library :D But you should read it next. Me and you need to talk, girl. Me and you and Lekey should get together with some pizza rolls again. And, you should watch this video on Youtube. Eddie Izzard on supermarkets and fruit. I like the Satsuma part. And the "squeezy squeezy" part. (It didn't take me long to say, "if you know what I mean.")

Heather! If you don't start talking to me again/posting on the blog, YOU WON'T GET SHOUTOUTS ANY MORE!
(Just a gentle warning.)

Okay! I'll see you guys at the soonest on Wednesday! Is anyone having a New Year's party?
LOVELOVELOVE

A Loverly Listie-Pie

I don't know. I just don't know.
I wasn't going to post, because it doesn't seem right for me to be the first one to post about this situation, but as we learned from October Sky, "A rocket won't fly unless someone lights the fuse." So I guess I'd better light the fuse.

My feelings are as follows. (Another list.)

1. I understand Laura feeling resentful.
2. I understand Heather feeling like Laura should hate her.
3. I understand Laura not hating Heather, because you guys have been friends for a long time.
4. It all happened in the past. I find it ironic that nobody was mad until Heather told us about it. I mean, we can't change what happened in the past, but we can make our future better than our past. (fortune cookie moment!) You can sit there fretting about what you could have done differently, but you'd be better off changing the present.
5. I know the situation is different, what with you guys being friends and such close friends at that, but my one rule for Laura: Don't become a Chloe. As I know from experience, Heather already has enough guilt on her, and that will only be added to if you hate her, call her bad things (I know you wouldn't), avoid her, etc. The best thing you can do for either of your consciences is to forgive her. See number 4.
6. Laura needs to express her emotions more. You've got your auras, and I've got empathy. At least slightly. But empathy means you actually feel the subject's feelings. I'm pretty sure that's what happened at lunch. How is a person supposed to send positive energy when she feels sad enough to cry for a week?
7. I am Switzerland. I guess Switzerland is just neutral, probably not a peacemaker, so I guess I'm the UN. I'm the UN of the Phunk Sisters. Hooray. *sarcasm* Realy I just made this one because I wanted 7 items. 7 so it's odd for Laura, but 7 is the odd number that Heather likes, so it's perfect! Hey, the UN doesn't have it too bad off. They even have their own flag!

That's all I got. Don't you think Mrs. Graham has a really annoying voice?