Don't you remember?

Where have I gone?

I am nowhere.

Who am I?

I am no one.

What am I?

I am nothing.

Why, oh why?

Nobody knows.

When will this end?

It never will.

How long can this last?

It will go on forever.

An impromptu poem. It rather sums up how I felt most of today.

I hate being mood-swingy. I hate laughing one minute and crying the next. I'm not even PMSing.

We all know what's wrong. But we don't know why it affects me so much.

It's because I miss how it was. I miss the bad too. Don't you remember?

We belong to the light, we belong to the thunder

We belong to the sound of the words we've both fallen under

Whatever we deny or embrace for worse or for better

We belong, we belong together...

Don't you remember? At least Laura? Don't you remember?

How can that go away?

How can we stop belonging?

Don't you remember?

Don't you remember finding ghosts in Laura's basement, six of them, with pencils?

And discovering that the room in DC wasn't 1413 byt 1313? And Mrs. Schloemer didn't believe us. Remember?

Remember when the customer service lady at AT&T asked if we were small children, or her friends?

Remember when we watched the Breakfast Club?

Remember when we had to yell at Heather a million times to get off the phone?

Remember initiating Kaylyn on the trampoline?

Remember when Heather had to leave in the middle of a sleepover and we sang our nerves away?

"Make me an angel, that flies from Montgomery... Just give me one thing that I can hold on to..."

Don't you remember?

Now I've lost all that, I've lost those times forever. If real sisters fought over a boy, they wouldn't have any option but to reconcile. What does that tell you?

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears...

Never again? We still have three and a half years together. You never know what can happen.

Do you know what I wish for at 11:11?

Do you know what I cry about every time I hear My Immortal?

I've always wanted to have nothing to wish for.

I don't think that will ever happen again. 

I feel like we are a hollow shell of what we were. 

Like someone took our insides out. Like were one of those really good truffles, and someone broke us in half, scooped out our filling, and stuck the shell back together.

Maybe that's just what I feel like. 

Since I'm not sure what "we" are anymore, and who is Phunk and who isn't.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I've opened old wounds, but for me it's more like an infection that won't go away. It's there, sometimes I forget about it, but it's always there. 

I need you. 

Я огорченн.

Ya ogorchenn.

I'm sorry.

A Wordle.

Indigo Girls, Forgive Me

I'm sorry I can't express facial expressions over the internet, but if I could, you'd see sadness, mixed with anger, betrayal, and... sympathy. Since we seem to be in a list-making mood, I guess I'll try my hand.

1. Me and Laura philosophized today in Science that NONE OF OUR LIVES CAN BE PERFECT UNLESS ALL OF OUR LIVES ARE PERFECT. Current example: Hannah is chronically sad. So even those of us who seem happy can't be happy because one of us is sad. Does that make sense?

2. Lekey knows this too: this is the time of our lives when we belong to ourself and our friends. We don't want to belong to our parents anymore, but (don't contradict me) we aren't quite ready to belong to a husband. Heather, shut up.

3. The less I seek my source, the closer I am to fine. This is from and Indigo Girls song. I just listened to two of their songs, and their power overwhelms me. I'll put some lyrics here:

From Closer to Fine
And the best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
It's only life after all
Yeah

Well, darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety 'till I sank it
I'm crawling on your shores
...
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine



Then there's this other song called "Galileo" which is about reencarnation, but I think some things apply to us too.

How long 'till my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach that kind of light?
I call on the resting soul of galileo
King of night vision, king of insight


4. Hannah, DON'T YOU DARE CHANGE SCHOOLS.
I don't want to offend you more than I apparently already have, but I somehow don't think the people at Southern would accept you any better than the people here. Stick with the people that do accept you, because you need them.

5. On the subject of Terra's bitch-ness and Tory needing a slap across the face: Don't take out your negativity on people who don't deserve it. They're doing what they want to. Just because that doesn't include you, doesn't mean they personally hate you. If you were going out with someone, and there was this girl who was your friend's friend, and kind of your friend, and you knew she liked the person you were going out with, you certainly wouldn't make her any special provisions.

6. Terra has problems like you do, but kind of opposite. Whereas your problem is that you really like someone but they don't like you, Terra's is that she kind of likes a bunch of people and they kind of like her, but not enought either way to make either party happy. So take that into consideration.

7. Self-injury is not a healthy form of expressing your anger either. JSYK.

8. I didn't do a thing to your post. I just said I would. There's a difference.

9. Tags need commas in between them. JSYK.

Forgive me. I love you. I need you. I try my hardest. I love you.