College Life

So let me be the one to go after that delightful last post... I'm not totally clear on what was going on there, but it seems to have been some sort of misunderstanding... No real idea though... Cause people still love you Hannah dear!

Anyways, as of yet, college is pretty nice. I can eat where I want, leave when I want (so long as it's not curfew) but I seriously have more freedom here than at home. Not to mention that the classes are more challenging.

I'm certainly enjoying it. :)

I don't really have much to say as of yet though I do miss you guys...

But, I do have classes at 8am tomorrow so I can't keep this post up for much longer... I'll talk to you guys later! Tell you more when I see you this weekend!

Luv ya!
Laura

P.S. Welcome Home Lekey!!! <3 Hang in there, darling!

I just have one thing to say to you guys.

FUCK YOU.

That's it.

A little toy for you all.

They have a new thing on Polyvore, so I thought I'd try it out on the blog.

It's at the very bottom, so it won't get in the way of posts or anything.

Just drag stuff on there, I've included an assortment of clothing plus a mannequin if you want to dress it.

I believe it will publish to my Polyvore account, I'll post the link in that case.

If you think of anything you want on there specifically, just comment.

:)

I watched 10 things I hate about you today...

AND I CRIED FOR AN HOUR AT LEAST.
BECAUSE OF THIS DAMN SCENE...



THEY FUCKING KNOW ME. SO WELL. AND THIS WAS MADE LIKE, 10 YEARS AGO.
THEY CAN SEE THE FUTURE. I JUST KNOW IT

Iambic Pentameter always calms me down.

You never know how my heart breaks for you

Your feelings and my feelings are the same

I hate to watch these things we must go through

I hate the tears, the anger, and the blame

Remember you can always come to me

I'll never think your problems aren't real

I want to dry your tears and help you see

Your happiness is nobody's to steal

We can't be silent every day and then

Just leave ourselves bodiless on a screen

We need to talk, it doesn't matter when

At school or somewhere else, let's just come clean.

If all I have is words, I'm not much good

Talk to me, dears, I know you wish you could.

I have no title

So for one Hannah I'm really sorry that everything's gotten all messed up for you and also anything you post isn't shit it was heart felt and we'll always be here for you.

my whole world has come crashing in on me and I don't know what to do, I will probably never be able to stop loving Sebastian but i have no problem with not being together, honestly it's quite liberating, but then he sent me a message on Face book, and ruined everything. He basically told me in the first message (which was lost(unfortunately) that he wanted me to stop trying to talk to him and make petty conversation, so I sent the following: Well be that way then and have fun alone. I love you with everything I posses but I will not tolerate you treating me like this, you used to be willing to give the world for me and now you act as though you hate the very sight of me, I'm sorry for whatever it is I did, so please treat me like I should be, you're still my best friend and it's killing me not being able to talk to you about all that's been going on in my life. I love you so very much.


He responded with the following: I'm sorry, yes, that was quite rude of me. I'm just upset. I might not answer all of your questions, but I will try too answer most of them.

One: Yes, I'm happy and sad. Happy because you aren't mad at me, sad because we're through.

Two: Stop trying to make me jealous it's just pissing me off.

Three: Are you jealous yet?

Four: Uhm, well, I would rather never speak to you again but we have to go to school together.

Five: I still trust you'll never betray me but you may not be so luck as for me to never betray you.

There you go, that's all you need to know about how I feel

My response: Okay so yes I am, I've lost many guys to them liking someone else and really I'd rather it didn't happen again. Why would I have been mad at you? I love you, but anyway here's the gist of what I feel you've said to me.

You don't miss me, or love me, you want to toy with my heart whilst toying with my friends, you no longer trust me and I no longer count as a friend, thank you for giving me my daily cry, I haven't had one in weeks I guess it was time for one.

Him: Heh, while I find that mildly humorous, you're right, I have been very mean. I don't want to risk us getting back together. One, if you make me jealous I'm more likely to try and pull your friends from you, okay? Two, don't let that stop you from dating other people and stuff. Don't worry, you'll find someone willing to stoop to your level of pathetic. Sorry for being so mean, I was, honestly, just upset and jealous. Apparently when I'm jealous, I attempt to ruin the life of the thing I'm jealous for, not the person I'm jealous of. Friends?

Me: I suppose we can be friends but to be honest I don't entirely believe you, I'm not trying to make you jealous on the contrary really but it is going to be hard to think highly of myself for a while.

Him: I do trust you, okay? And I love you as a friend, well sort of, if that means I can use you to my advantage then, yes I love you tons, if not then I don't particularly care, except that I still think of you as mine and I don't exactly enjoy other guys taking you for themselves, although that's all that it would ever be, they'll all just use you like a tissue, use your body and throw you away never turning back to see the carnage they left behind because they never truly loved you, you'll never be more the a sex toy or a friend to any guy again.

Me: You really honestly feel that way?

Him: Yes. I'm not going to have this conversation any longer.

I don't know how to feel, other then numbness, I suppose he's right though he's the only guy who's ever thought of me as more then a friend or something to play with. Example: Keg made out with me and never really looked at me again, and Zack dated me because he was a friend that felt bad for me.

I hate to sound so melodramatic but I've pretty much learned today that I wasted two years of my life trying to make something work with a boyfriend who never loved me, while also dealing with the new found information that the boy I like kissed another girl the very same day he told me I was beautiful and kissed me on the cheek.

I'm sorry if I'm not being sympathetic to other peoples feelings but right now I'm a little more then devastated. I have so much more to say about other topics but right now I can't even think straight.

...

I hate seeing him with her.
I hate seeing him so happy when I'm slowly falling apart.
And today I saw him kiss her.
And I swear that I died for a few seconds.
I literally felt my heart stop and I couldn't breathe.

Why do things always end up this way?
I can never get my way.
Every start to the school I'm happy.
Then something happens and it ends up really crappy.
It just never happens this early in the year.

Hopefully I'll be happy someday.
That sometime just isn't soon.
Because everyday I have to go throught the hell of seeing them together everyday.
I hate loving him so much.
Because he'll never feel the same.
And as the days go by. I'll still feel this way.
A girl that has fallen completely in love.
In love with a boy who just won't ever feel the same.

I'm just going to go on.
Like nothing is wrong.
Everytime I see him he'll send me a goofy look.
And I'll send him one right back.
And he'll hug me.
And my heart will break even more.
I'll text him and we'll talk about our days.
Everything will be normal.
He'll be happy.
....
But I won't be.
That's just how it goes.

I'm just really bummed right now guys.
I'm sorry for posting this shit.
I'm also that some of it rhymed.

-Hannah
xo

How to feel like a bitch

So now I feel awful, maybe I should have payed more attention to other peoples feeling towards him before it  got any farther then friends, but I didn't and now I have no idea what to do. There isn't much I can do I guess except tell him that we're just friends, and try and forget about the whole thing. I'm really sorry, i guess I just wasn't thinking because he wasn't gay so i didn't add Braden into the equation, and then Hannah and Kaylyn didn't find him attractive and Taylor I didn't think of you for so many reasons, most of them entirely my fault.

I didn't think of you because I didn't want to which was a really bitchy thing of me to do, and I didn't think of you because you never said you liked him, and thought you would've for some reason. Lastly I didn't think of you because of the way you are with Tim, which I have no idea what's going on with you two but on the outside it looks like you guys are together in one sense or another. I hate saying things like that to people but it's the truth, I really don't want you to be upset but it's how a lot of people feel, and I want you to be happy, and the best way to do that is to try and break him off, of course that's all up to you, but I feel like we're close enough to be completely honest with each other, I love you to death and I'm willing to do anything I need to do to make you happy.

I am scattering like light

I am not ready for this again, not this soon in the year, not ever. I don't like it I don't like it.

I don't like him. But I could. I could if I let go a little longer. If I blamed this sweet euphoria on him. But now I won't. I won't.

It's been too long since I had a guy friend other than Braden, not that you are not the best male friend I could wish for, not that I need another one, but if that's how it's going to be, that's how it's going to be.

So that's how it is, yes? Well, I'm not going to let our friendship be screwed up again by a guy. I learned that lesson from Maurice. It turned out okay but I'm not taking a second chance. We don't have a good history with guys that more than one of us likes. I'll be his friend, nothing more, not even that if I have to, I'm not suspending you for him. Even if he was in the slightest bit interested in anything else. Who would be?

I'm just desperate, I know. I have been since late January. And I hate it yes I do but there's not much else I can do. So we'll be friends. I'm more outgoing, less silent and introverted around him. Every friend brings out something good in you, yes? And we'll be Foods buddies, at least until he switches out. Oh, mini mixers in backpacks. Oh, applesauce lady. Oh, an ounce of prevention.

Do what you will, I'll be behind you. I just didn't want to start another fiasco.

God! I don't want this!

How I'm Feeling as of right now

So lately I've been happy, really, really, really happy, and I have only one problem..... I feel like I can't share my happiness or my reasons for being happy with anyone. I feel like either no one cares or it just depresses them, so I feel like my happiness is a bad thing. I don't like feeling that way.


Today was amazing for me but I had no one to share it with because no one seems to want to listen to my happy stories. Today Dylan and I had some really nice one on one time after school when he walked me all the way home and talked to me about soooo many things, like he really opened up to me and I felt so special, he called me pretty, and then he called me gorgeous, he held my hand for a little while and I met his dad (who's awesome btw) He and I really got to know each other on a deeper level and when we got to my house he hugged me and gave me a peck on the cheek. It was a good day.

Also Ms. Flara and I hung out after school while I waited for Dylan to finish doing stuff with Mr. Smith, she and I laughed our butts off about kidnapping southerns director and keeping her in the closet and making her watch really bad movies that were play adaptations, then she and I went to the front office and filled out a PO form so we could get money for our new production as you all know "Arsenic and Old Lace", we were gonna go to Save-a-lot together, but Dylan showed up and asked if I wanted to take a walk with him and then Ms. Flara made hilarious romantic noises and nudged me until I said yes. I love her to death.

Anyway that was my day and I wish I could have like called one of you to tell you but honestly I didn't feel like any of you would have cared all that much, if you actually read this whole post I applaud you for it, and thank you for taking the time to listen to my happiness if only for a moment, I guess I'll leave you guys alone now.

First week of junior year...

Was okay, aside from my horrible Alg. 2 teacher.

And we have a new kid, who's pretty cool. (Too many damn Dylan's in our school.)

But god, we're JUNIORS. We're almost done! Goodness, I'm not sure how I feel about this.
But we'll see each other in the future (hopefully)

I have a good feeling about this year...
I have a new friend and things seem to be okay between Dylan and I.

I even got a hug today. God, I'm so happy.
Reona's little lecture made me laugh.
I love her to death.

Anyway I'm gonna quit ranting about hugs and side-squeezing to you all.
GOD I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS YEAR.

-Hannah.
xo

Holy crap you guys WE'RE JUNIORS

It is rather difficult to get the idea that I am a junior through my head. Yet I am. By the way, did you notice there was no back to school pep rally today? I REALLY WANTED TO SHOUT E!!!!!

Yeah. So, I think we have a new friend. At least, he considers us his friends. I don't care whether you think he's attractive or not, he's super cool and fun to talk to. Mhmm.

Anyway. I really think this year is going to be good. Honest, I do. I'm excited for Foods, even if I don't really know anyone in that class who's going to stay in there. I WISH you guys could be in that class. It sounds AMAZING. And Mrs. Bingham seems really cool.

I love Mrs. McCay's new room, and Mrs. Robinson is well... Mrs. Robinson, and I think I'll end up one of the people who likes Mrs. Lambert, and I'm SUPER GLAD I have Art this year, and so far the only thing that's given me any trouble is my locker but THAT'S ALL BETTER so I'm happy!

I super super hope this year is as good as it seems like it'll be. The only thing that could get me down is a certain boy who constantly does so. I don't know about that yet. And the amount of sleep I'm currently getting and expect to continue getting. But I'll try, oh I will. I think I'm improving my people skills, for example, last year I probably would never have turned to a random new kid and said, "Hi, are you new? I'm Taylor."

I have high hopes for all of you. I love you.

Laura, I miss you. Come visit!

Today was better....now for tomorrow!

Routine camp ended today. It was way better. I got that stunt figured out, but it'll still take some work. My favorite part, and really the only part I like, is the dance. I might have to show it to you guys in slowmo. :D

We'll be juniors tomorrow. I'm excited.
Please 2010-2011 school year, bring me a new student....preferably gay, blonde, a junior, and really hot! ;)

So yeah. I'm wearing my new Chucks tomorrow and my Converse shirt.

I have 5 cheer-less days (not the way it sounds) and The Feather after school.

Academic team starts soon too.

And.....MADELYN'S COMING!!!!!

So it shall be a great day and a...hopefully...better year!

*sigh*

That Stephen Colbert vid was actually pretty funny.

Today was the first day of routine camp and it wasn't that fun.
First off, our choreographer got after me because I refused to do a back handspring in the routine. There's also a one legged stunt where (as a backspot), I have my right hand on the flyers right ankle and my left hand on her butt (Yes, I know). But this was reversed, so it felt weird and it was confusing me a little bit and he got after me because after my right hand pushed upward to drive the flyer up, my right hand wasn't where my left hand was fast enough. I've never stunted like that before. I seriously think he was expecting too much.

It just really ticked me off. I hope tomorrow is better....if not....I'm reconsidering.

Summer Timez

And so the summer drifts to a close. Almost. :)

It's been awhile since I last posted, mainly because I don't really have much to say... Through the blog at least. I don't know...

I feel like I've done so much thinking and have gotten no words, at least nothing concrete, out of it. Know that feeling?

I'm kind of in the eye of the storm, I think. You know, that surreal time when everything's calm and you know more is coming, but you don't know when? Reality has hit and tossed me around a bit, and now I'm just waiting for the rest of the storm to pass by before things reach a point of normalcy again...

But enough with the poetic symbolism. My summer's actually been pretty good. Had an awesome time at VAMPY, a pretty great Vacation with Braden and the fam, a great time with my cousins when they came out, etc.

All in all, pretty great. I'm excited about moving out and everything. Even though I'll miss all of you. Incredibly much. But that's what my party's for right?

And I'll be in around school every couple of days to visit and bug you all. :)

All is good. :)

I just never knew that I was such a nostalgic person... lol

Anyways, I hope to see you all soon. (especially Ms. Traveling Afar :P You must come spend a weekend with me asap and tell me of your trip.)

That's all for now!
~Laura~

It's a kind of sweet sadness

Oh, you guys. The summer's almost over. I hate when summer's over. Last week I was kind of looking forward to school, and seeing you guys every day, well, except Laura and Lekey :'(

But now I'm realizing how much I'll miss doing nothing all day, and sleeping forever, and staying up late drawing and reading, oh I'll miss all of it. The cicadas want me to stay free with them forever but I can't do it.

I want to lay under the stars and recognize the Dolphin and the Swan and Draco and the Eagle like we did in Quebec. I want to jump in Woodward Reservoir and explore little stores like I did in Vermont. I want to dance by the Pacific Ocean and watch rocks float like I did in Oregon. I want to hear people sleep-talk like I did in North Carolina. And I want to stay up late being crazy with my friends like I did in Kentucky.

But I think this year will be a good year. I have a feeling about it. January 1 is not when my new year starts, no, it's August 11. And I want to be different. I don't want to retreat into my hair when things go wrong, I want to fix them. I don't want to move through school in my own entranced mind, I want to be present. And I don't want to let any of you get away from me like you did last year.

I am wildly tired right now, so I'll conclude.

Be with me, be in the moment, be human, be kind.

I love you.

Thank you, Stephen Colbert.

WARNING: everyone may hate me for posting this...
But if you all can post you opinions about the government... THEN SO CAN I.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/06/colbert-unveils-master-pl_n_673097.html

Stephen Colbert pretty much somes up how I feel.

Yep!

I'm happy.

1. We're eating dinner out with a family from NC whom we haven't seen in 8 months.

2. Going to Heather's!

3. Prop 8 was overturned and ruled as a violation to the Constitution.

If you don't know what Prop 8 is: It's the gay marriage ban in California.
I just hate how people think it's okay to vote on how other people can live their lives. I understand if you believe that marriage should just be between a man and a woman. I'm okay with that, but there doesn't need to be a law saying that, though. It really is only the choice of the person who decided to propose, and the choice of the person who accepted the proposal, like any other marriage.
I'm actually okay with people saying they believe it's wrong to be gay or marriage should be between a man and a woman. Those are personal beliefs. I can't change those myself.
But I still feel like that's not the only reason why people voted for it.
I still feel there was a lot of intolerance, prejudice, and hatred behind those votes. Not all of the votes, but a lot of them.

The rest of this week.

Shall be awesome.

Tomorrow:

I'm going to Richmond with my mom and Heather. I'M GOING SCHOOL SHOPPING, BITCHES.

Thursday: nothing.

FRIDAY: NIGHT FULL OF AWESOME AND FUN TIMES. WITH LAURA, MEGHAN AND I.

Weekend: We should do something.

@Taylor: GOD, those fics haven't been updated in MONTHS. Which pisses me off. I loved those fics with a passion.

Anyway. Until next time.

TOODLES.

-Hannah

xo

ALSO.

I am quite fond of this new layout. =]

A banner type thingy

I hope you guys like it! :)

BEST DAY EVER

MASTERS RESIGNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which I believe all of you know already but I really thought it should be posted on here just for the sake of being posted. anyway.

I had an exuberant yes but it messed up the drafty thing. so. here is a less exuberant one

                yes.

Video compliments of Hannah.

SPONGEBOB Best Day Ever Song

*DANCE DANCE DANCEY DANCE!*

Okay I'm done.

sing it loud so I can hear you

IT'S KIND OF HOT AROUND HERE

Blehhh. I am glad to be home again, but I am NOT glad to leave behind the coolness of the North.

Anyhow.

I just spent the whole day with Terra. We like talked, and made macaroni and fruit salad, and then we talked, and then we colored in coloring books. There was this Roman coloring book, and we colored the Roman lady like a scene kid, and the guy all emo. It was friggin awesome. Also we played in the creek. All these little fishies came up and bit our legs! :D

Aaaand that's all I've done since I've been home, other than exchange a few outpourings of emotion with a certain person via Facebook.

I'm not terribly excited for school to start, but I really feel that this year will be better than the last. For me at least. I've no more required electives, so I actually get to do what I want! (Like Art, and Foods, and Drama. Wheeeee!)

Yeah that's about it. I'm really looking forward to Thursday.

YEP

PS Yes Hannah, I've missed McLennon and IKYBH as well. I suppose I really should reread it. And "the one where he's anorexic." Whatever its real title is.

PPS Also I changed the layout. It's pretty basic but I thought it was nice and summery!

PPPS I've been reading the archives. Let me say, the most creative spelling of a swear word goes to Lekey, with "PHUQQ."

What's new in Hannah's world?

WELL I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.

This week I....

1. Went shopping and I got:

*Princess Mononoke

*A Blossom Doll

*The Holiday

*4 pairs of jeans

*two shirts

*Pokemon 2000: The movie

*AND A Horsea Key chain.

2. I got to see INCEPTION with Meghan and Elizabeth. IT ROCKED. I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD SEE IT. IT'S MIND BLOWINGLY AWESOME.

3. I spent the night at Heather's after seeing Inception. We watched Repo Men. Jude Law is fucking sexy. And even though he takes people organs... I would still do him six ways to sunday. (That's my new catch phrase... lol.)

4. I FINALLLYYYYYYYYYYY AFTER MONTHS OF NOT READING IT got caught up with Red Hall. SO THAT'S AWESOME.

Anyway, I don't think I'll be able to go to Heather's this week! D: WHICH KIND OF SUCKS.

But I REALLYYYYY want to have a sleep over with Meg because I haven't all summer.

SO I'M SORRY GAIZ. :c

-Hannah

xo