Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts

Monday, January 19, 2009

I Failed.

I told you I was going to try it. Not for good.
And it didn't work.

I need this blog as much as anyone. I helped make it, so why shouldn't I?
It was just that the blog was depressing me and hurting me and I was sick of it.

And I have already decided no, I will never quit the Phunk. Ever. Even if I end up to be the last one left, even if the Phunk quits me, I won't quit. I don't remember if I am the second or third member, but I was there when we started. I was there when Hannah said, "I'm Hannah of the Phunk, like Gaara of the Phunk. Wanna be my Phunk sisters?" Laura was too. 

I have my glove :D and I still wear the bracelet. 

*sigh*
I was tired of having my feelings dismissed as less, I suppose. 

But I had to post this for y'guys.
It's by the same person who originally wrote Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes. Read it, read ALL of it, it's HILARIOUS. 
You may be interested in this quote:

[Meanwhile, Shirtless James and the other two Bad Vamps show up and Charlie's weird friend gets dead. Also, James has no shirt. This is important. I mean, just for life in general.]

So, go read it! Heigh ho, Volvo! Away!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Don't you remember?

Where have I gone?
I am nowhere.
Who am I?
I am no one.
What am I?
I am nothing.
Why, oh why?
Nobody knows.
When will this end?
It never will.
How long can this last?
It will go on forever.

An impromptu poem. It rather sums up how I felt most of today.
I hate being mood-swingy. I hate laughing one minute and crying the next. I'm not even PMSing.

We all know what's wrong. But we don't know why it affects me so much.
It's because I miss how it was. I miss the bad too. Don't you remember?

We belong to the light, we belong to the thunder
We belong to the sound of the words we've both fallen under
Whatever we deny or embrace for worse or for better
We belong, we belong together...

Don't you remember? At least Laura? Don't you remember?
How can that go away?
How can we stop belonging?

Don't you remember?
Don't you remember finding ghosts in Laura's basement, six of them, with pencils?
And discovering that the room in DC wasn't 1413 byt 1313? And Mrs. Schloemer didn't believe us. Remember?
Remember when the customer service lady at AT&T asked if we were small children, or her friends?
Remember when we watched the Breakfast Club?
Remember when we had to yell at Heather a million times to get off the phone?
Remember initiating Kaylyn on the trampoline?
Remember when Heather had to leave in the middle of a sleepover and we sang our nerves away?
"Make me an angel, that flies from Montgomery... Just give me one thing that I can hold on to..."
Don't you remember?

Now I've lost all that, I've lost those times forever. If real sisters fought over a boy, they wouldn't have any option but to reconcile. What does that tell you?

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears...

Never again? We still have three and a half years together. You never know what can happen.

Do you know what I wish for at 11:11?
Do you know what I cry about every time I hear My Immortal?

I've always wanted to have nothing to wish for.
I don't think that will ever happen again. 

I feel like we are a hollow shell of what we were. 
Like someone took our insides out. Like were one of those really good truffles, and someone broke us in half, scooped out our filling, and stuck the shell back together.
Maybe that's just what I feel like. 
Since I'm not sure what "we" are anymore, and who is Phunk and who isn't.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I've opened old wounds, but for me it's more like an infection that won't go away. It's there, sometimes I forget about it, but it's always there. 

I need you. 

Я огорченн.
Ya ogorchenn.
I'm sorry.

Monday, October 20, 2008

I'm taking serious thought into...

*Switching schools (or being home schooled)(and honestly other than you guys who would care?)

*Punching several people in the face (don't worry I don't wanna punch any of you)(yet)

*taking this pretty little tac here and shoving it into my arm

*Going up to tory (or sending one of you guys (most likely heather) and slap him straight across the face.)

*REading the bible and repenting some things (probably the only good this on this list)

*With drawing my self from people for a while (like I could that.)

*I'm also this close to shooting everyone that keeps on talking about how Effing wonderful their life is, When Mine is so f-ing miserable!

*And this is a little off subject but I do believe I can call who ever I want a bitch if I really want to, I don't need your guys' consent to do that.


If you don't like this post deal with it, I posted it. I itend for it to stay here. And Taylor I don't want you messing with my posts EVER again.


I swear to God I'll do these things if things don't brighten up for me soon.