First post of November 2009!

So Asheville was awesome and Halloween.
The field trip was fun!
THREE DAYS!!!!!
So excited though Laney and Conrad won't be there sadly.
So yeah....can't wait for Knoxville this weekend....DUH!

POST!!!!!!


POST!

So this birthday party!!!

It's gonna be amazing!
Chicken fajita pizza!!!
Peeps and presents!
FUN!
I don't know what I want but Terra's getting me a book because she has easy access.
Lekey might get me Uplifter (311) or Toblerone.
AGH! I wish I had cheap stuff that I wanted. Maybe a cheap deck of Tarot cards. I can buy that. That vampire deck better be at Hastings. I want it.

One more song recommendation!

Golden Sunlight by 311

Basically every song on the Uplifter album is awesome!

First post of October 2009!

So yeah, I had an okay Homecoming week.

Float building was fun.
The parade was sort of fun.
The dance sucked like shit.

YAY! A successful haiku!

So anyway, Terra's party literally kicked the dance in the ass and left it in a ditch.
One difference the dance didn't have that Terra's party did.............we can just call her DeLaney!

Three awesome song recommendations:

• Left Behind from Spring Awakening

• Cycling Trivialities by Jose Gonzales (not a Spanish song. It's a coffee shop song definitely. Found it on Future Perfect Radio on Accuradio.)

• Saturday Waits by Loney, Dear.

Moving on, my birthday is on Wednesday, October 7th, 2009. My party will be on that day.
Location is either at my house like always or at Happiness Hills Farm just out of town. I think it's in the direction of Indian Fort, but farther. I'll post directions on here ASAP if we choose the particular location.

So yeah! 12 days until Asheville!!!!!! SO excited.
So anyway. Happy Fall Break!

September 27, 2009

Woke up at 1.
Made a bacon and cheese omelet.
Played around on the interweb until about 4.
Met Lekey at the Feather and had Ashley Mills come join us.
We all went to my house for pizza.
Went to The Gong Show, they came with.
Dropped them off.
Got on Facebook and uploaded pics from SAYF and today.
Read epistles from SAYMA, Nashville, and Old Greer (the one I should've gone to).
Now I'm typing to you all that I wish I went simply because I would've met Sam Fisher before SAYMA and saw Bonnie for the last time for a while.

Did you know that there is 19 days until Asheville? Oh my god! So exciting.
I hope for newbies, especially really hot gay 16 year olds!
LOLLERS!

Going to Meeting in the morning.
See you at school!
Bai!

Good things in life are hard to find

So....

This is going to be my last post for a little while. (Or a long while, who knows?)

I've realized that 97.9% of my posts are me just ranting about how much my life sucks, so when and if something good happens to me, I'll post again.

So until that day, this is farewell.

xo

-Hannah

Ugh!

What was up with that meeting today? It was like a big popular fest in there.

There were no sponsors in there at first, but our officers still should've called the meeting to order and started it anyway. That way we would've had more time to discuss our float.
Oh yeah, and our president wasn't present for our meeting.
Plus we're basically copying the seniors. The 70's is the first decade the school was open and the fact that the 60s and the 70s were probably the most similar decades in the past 50 years.
I am turned off from float building now.

Not that it wasn't my idea that wasn't picked or that I should've been president (at least I was there), but the fact that everything depends on the majority, which is fair, but it's the popular crowd getting all of the votes and I hardly had a chance to speak when I did because they kept referring back to Sahara. Same thing with Taylor and Heather. They ignored us.

I also loved how when they all heard about Fruitjar High School, they instantly thought of fruit in a jar (that proves how smart they are) and that's our float. They didn't look into it enough. Fruitjar High was the origin of our school and they were all too dumb to think about how much it would mean to everybody who comes back to Berea if we built a float that's a tribute to the original Berea Independent Schools. We would be highly respected by older generations.

God, I love our class, the minority at least.

Why?

I don't know why you're feeling that way. This was only one weekend, but at the same time, it's one weekend of only seven per year. I see you 5+ days a week. I see those people a whole lot less, so please don't get on to us for being gone this one weekend......

....and especially since Heather went too. You don't have to hate us all because we go to a Quaker retreat that only lasts for a weekend at a time (sadly) and it was also Heather's choice to go because she wanted the experience, not because we all don't care about you because we really do. It's as if you're letting the fact that we're all gone somewhere and you're not take over how you really think how we feel about you.

If you don't want to be alone, then you should come experience it with us. It'll make our friendship stronger instead of what we have crumbling to the ground.

Don't think SAYF as of just a big party where you're not invited.

Think SAYF as a retreat where we can get away from our bubble of nothing we call Berea, see people we haven't seen since at least the month before, do worshipful and very peaceful activities, and have fun with your friends.

We can have fun either way, but we still love you because you're our Hannah!

And what you are is beautiful

NononononNO!

Why does everything have to go wrong on the same day and why the FUCK can't I do anything about it!

Don't make me cry. Don't do it.

You think we don't care, when we just have no idea what to do?

You think we're choosing SAYF over you? I can't speak for everyone else, but honestly I'm only going to SAYF because I feel like it's expected of me.

I don't know what to say. I can't believe you could even imagine we don't care.

Not caring is the most frightening thing that has happened to me recently.

I don't know why, but on Sunday I was completely apathetic to everything. That's why none of you saw me that day. Because I didn't care.

Luckily I woke up on Monday caring. Then I discovered not caring is so much easier. But it's a human thing, to care. That's probably why life is hard: because we care.

Please don't accuse me of not caring. I don't want to go back there.

Do you really think you've never broken anyone's heart?

Whatever I did, I'm sorry. There's only one thing worse than someone you love being sad, and that is feeling like it's your fault.

I don't want anyone else to feel as isolated as I do sometimes. I don't ever want people I love to doubt that I do.

God, I really don't know what to do about this and I hate that.

Just remember this: There isn't a single one of you that I could live without.

We belong to the light, we belong to the thunder.

The only thing I hate more than people not caring is people faking sympathy.

I haven't been in the best shape lately, as you all can tell.

I'd tell you all about this weekend, BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FUCKING BE HERE.

Just as well, I can't go anywhere anyway.

Next weekend I think I'll do something without you guys.

But you'll still have each other, It's obvious you can fun without me.

Sometimes I think you guys wouldn't even care if I just disappeared. Would you?

Another thing I hate: People who make up complete and utter BULL SHIT. Just to make themselves look better.

Which is one of the reasons I need to talk to you all, but again, you won't be here.

.....

There's a reason I always wear jackets, and not because I'm cold.

There's a reason I don't tell you guys anything anymore.

There's a reason why I can't trust anyone.

There's a reason for the tears in my heart, and it's not just Dylan's fault.

And several other things, but I'm tired and I'm going to take a shower now.

Bye.

- Hannah.